muppet's show

oh and..

2009-01-29T16:18:00.001+11:00

.. it'll grow out before my brother gets married in april 2010.. and if it doesn't i can dye right back over the top..

so..

should i?

oh man decisions decisions..

I want to dye my hair

2009-01-29T16:14:00.001+11:00

I haven't dyed it since i shaved it on nov 27, 2007. That's more than 13 months WITH NO HAIR DYE IN MY HAIR. I kind of like my natural hair colour but man i miss my purple (sound familiar Jacq? lol).

I have a caramel colour just waiting to be used.

Should i?

I dunno.

Really.. should i? I think I should.. it'll only be a few shades lighter than my natural hair colour.. i dunno.. gah - i've never gone lighter unless i know i'm gonna stick a purple or something ontop of it.. the temptation is too great! i shall decide tonight.

boredom + muppet = oh crap

2008-11-22T23:37:00.001+11:00

Jay got it right when she said I need a new job, and quickly! Boredom consumes me at the moment, and it sucks butts thru a king kong sized straw!

If you know me, you know when I get bored, I become destructive, I get frustrated with the way things are and want to change them. Sometimes that destruction ends up something creative. This is what's happened this weekend pretty much.

I woke up on friday morning and decided that I wanted my dining table to look different. So I took my ass off to Men's Church (Bunnings) and dragged LaLa along with me for the ride. Actually, she drove, I went for the ride, but you get my point, don't be pedantic (coz I know if LaLa reads this, she's going to point out that she's the one who was driving so IN FIRST NER) lol.

Anyhoo, once LaLa's visit ended, and she headed off for home, I went spaz at the table with the sandpaper, got B ready to go to her dads, took her to her dad's then came home and continued with the sandpaper. Once I was happy with the sandpapered table (ie: there was no more shiny stuff left) I wiped the table down a billion times to remove all of the dust (did you know that sanding = dust? far out) and then put down my first coat of primer.

This is when the reality of what I was doing hit me and I went "ohfuckwtfamidoinhere?" and had a bit of a panic attack - I've never painted a table before, how the hell am I gonna make this work? What if I screw it up? WHAT IF JANE FINDS OUT? SHE BOUGHT THE TABLE FOR ME SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME IF I BREAK IT!!!!!!! *dies*

Anyway, I got over it, I figured if I fucked it up, it was just a matter of ringing my darling father and saying "Daddy, come fix table plskthxbai!!" The worst thing I figured I could've done would've been to sand a hole in the table or something.. I dunno. Paint doesn't scare me, it's easy to remove.. holes in tables on the other hand.. wow. Anyway, I digress..

I did the first coat of primer, freaked out, used a whole sample pot (haha i'm a tightass i bought sample pots coz it's cheaper than buying tins.. but they're perfect for this job, the right amount of paint) i stepped back to admire my handiwork, slapped my forehead and went "oh crap".. it looked hideous. Argh!

I thought, at that point, that maybe I should give up before I totally screw up, but you know me, I persist. I decided to pack it in for the night and start up again the next morning.

So I wake up this morning, do some housework, and wait for my brother and his girlfriend to come over. We had a chat, and the whole time, I was itching to get back to my table. I had ideas of what I wanted done thru the night, and how I want the table to look. AS SOON as they walked out the door, BAM I was at the paint and the roller and getting the 2nd coat on. It only takes about 10-15 minutes to paint the table so I figured, I'll do the 2nd coat, get started on my other brother's birthday cake, and once that was popped into the oven, the 2nd coat should've dried so I could do the 3rd. I have to do 3 coats. I don't know why this is, but I HAVE TO DO 3 coats. Is this normal? I dunno.

I got all that done and then decided that was it, let it dry and get some more housework done.. blah blah boring mum stuff.. blah blah.. housework clean woohoo.. ooh cakes are cooked HOLY CRAP this cake is gonna be huge.. blah blah whatever.. you get the idea (the cake pics will come in time, relax, just right now, I'm focusing on my table!)

I've now, at this very moment, painted 3 coats of undercoat.. hey, if an undercoat goes ontop of another undercoat, does that make it an overundercoat? and what about the 3rd layer? does that make it an overoverundercoat? I dunno.. So there's 3 coats of the primer/undercoat, and I've just finished doing the 2nd coat of the color (British Paints .. sure can!)

If you want to see the work in progress, the pics are here. I'll be working on the table some more tomorrow, so there'll be more pics to add obviously :D

Oh and cake pics too.. there WILL be cake pics. But that's a whole different blog :D

it sucks to be her ahaha

2008-11-12T18:49:00.002+11:00

Oh, I have a song for her -

..and then today..

2008-11-12T18:42:00.000+11:00

Jay says:
so details fill me in now...
muppet says:
oh
work details?
Jay says:
yea
muppet says:
gimme a sec
i have a bird on my head and a cat in my lap and they're trying to kill eachother
so one's goin in the cage, the other's goin in the laundry, lets hope i put the right one in the right spot
okay
i'm waiting for someone to come jump on me
far out they drive me nuts
ANYWAY you know how she went off at me on the phone yesterday?
WELL
IT SEEMS THAT SHE WAS YELLING AT THE WRONG PERSON
OH
DEAR
ME
coz i spoke to sharon about it and said "look i'm sorry for any confusion but i did let you know i was taking yesterday off, and i let you know nearly 3 weeks in advance.." and she said "yup that's right." so i told her i'm not available for the 9th of dec and she said no worries she wrote it down and she's put it in her diary too or something
AND THEN i said "and i'd just like to find out what dates i've been late on, apart from 2 days i can't think of any days i've been late.." and she just looked at me with a wtf face and went "um what?" so i told her about the conversation i had yesterday on the phone and she was DISGUSTED
and she said that obviously, mariane had her lines crossed because there was someone else that had been coming in late every day, and leaving early and taking lots of time off, but it WASN'T ME coz the only days i've had off, she's been well aware of and she has no idea why mariane would call me and say such ridiculous things to me
so today i called westaff, and she's so bloody lucky that she wasn't in the office coz i was ready to go off
so i'll be calling her tomorrow morning as soon as i have a break if i feel like wasting my time, and demanding an apology from her for being such a bloody moron
SO I GOT INTO TROUBLE
FOR NO REASON AT ALL

You have just sent a nudge.

muppet says:
hello?
am i talking to myself, are you there? hellooooooooo
Jay says:
im reading dude ssh
muppet says:
sorry

Jay says:
ok ok so yeah what a idiot she is
muppet says:
AHAHAHAH YES
EXACTLY
SHE TOTALLY SCREWED UP AND I'M GONNA GET HER
the end
she fucking yelled at me dude
for no bloody reason
if i'd done something wrong, i'll cop it on the chin, you know that
but ffs i did NOTHING WRONG i've been at work EVERY DAY (for once in my life) except the days i've MEANT TO HAVE OFF hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Jay says:
lol yeah i know u have
im actually quite proud of u
muppet says:
hahahah dude
I'M PROUD OF ME
and i was tossing up this morning
should i be a shit and take a day off or not
but i decided to go in anyway and actually had a very productive day
i got my stats and i'm totally kicking ass
AND the stats show how many hours you work and whoa who woulda guessed, i got all of my hours yeah?
idiot woman
Jay says:
lmao
muppet says:
so
Jay says:
yay you for showing em
muppet says:
essentially
SHE IS GOING TO GET PWN3D BY ME
AND I'M GONNA MAKE HER APOLOGISE
or my name isn't Tanja Genovese
Jay says:
yeah you show her who she's chosen to mess with
muppet says:
ooh i don't think she realises she's picked the wrong temp
i'm a temp-for-life temp lol
which means i'm gonna always temp even tho i want proper job lol
so she's screwed
i was telling ange and aggie at break time and they went ballistic
apparently everyone knows who she is and they all hate her ahahahahaha they call her the whippet
or the greyhound
Jay says:
haha
muppet says:
and this is coming from the PERMANENT STAFF DUDE
i'm gonna totally bloody give it to her
sharon was not bloody impressed with what i told her
and she said she'll probably have words with her about getting her information right
SO
SHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
it sucks to be her
lets sing our avenue q song "IT SUCKS TO BE YOU..SUCKS TO BE YOU.. IT SUCKS TO BE YOU..SUCKASUCKASUCKASUCKASUCKS TO BE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

Jay says:

sucks to be yoooou on avenue q sucks to be you hahaha
muppet says:
ahahahah exactly
sucks to be you..ooh wait
there you go
you suck it sucks to be you ahahahahahah
Jay says:
lol
muppet says:
i'm gonna give it to her so bad dude you don't understand i'm rabid at the moment
i turned around and said to sharon "well at least i had something NEW to bitch about to my psych yesterday"
Jay says:
lol
muppet says:
it's true
even kaylene my psych couldn't believe the attitude and the unprofessionalismsnssnsns so ner to her she's screwed dude
she messed with the wrong temp
Jay says:
yes indeed she did!
muppet says:
okay and now
i go finish dinner
that's about all i have to report, and i'm pretty much gonna just copy paste this conversation into my blog i think hahahaha
Jay says:
lmao sure why not

I am SO ready to quit

2008-11-11T10:13:00.001+11:00

Okay, I've been quiet for a long while, but there's been nothing to moan, whinge, whine or carry on about.

Now that I'm back in my old old job (oh yeah, I don't work at the bank anymore) I have whinge material.

I am rostered off today. That usually means that I don't have to go to work because, as I said, I am rostered off.

Apparently, it also means that I have to put up with idiot reps from the agency ringing me AT HOME and asking "Is this Tanja? Where are you?" Er, you rang me, why not tell me where I am?

The conversation went like this:

A: Why are you not at work?
m: Coz I'm rostered off
A: for what reason?
m: because I have a psych appointment?
A: Why wasn't I notified of this?
m: because I told the company and figured you'd be told, and I forgot
A: is this an ongoing thing?
m: yes it is
A: Why wasn't i notified of this?
m: because I thought I could work around it? Because I didn't think it would be an issue
A: From now on, any medical appointments need to be made AFTER HOURS (she actually raised her voice at this point)
m: Um no, psych appointments can only be made during the day, none of this after hours rubbish, I rescheduled all of my other appointments, but this one is impossible to reschedule, I've told the client this, and she said that's okay
A: (complete change of subject) Oh and you're taking too many days off work
m: I only took one day off, that was the monday between the weekend and cup day, and the client said that was ok too, as they'd given all the staff the option to take the day off or come in..
A: (changes subject) You're coming in late every day
m: um, no I'm not
A: Yes, you are, every day you're late
m: Um, no - you spoke to me early on about being late, I was late twice, and I've not been late since
A: I did not
m: Yes you did, you came in to the office and you spoke to me about my starting time, and I've made every effort to make sure I'm on time every day. The latest I get in is at 6:55 and I'm at my desk by 6:58, which is still before
A: No, you have to be at your desk 5 minutes before start
m: No, I don't. I start at 7. I am logged in and working by 7. Therefore, it doesn't matter what time I sit at my desk, just as long as I'm logged in and keying by 7.
A: Well just see that you do and stop taking time off goodbye

FUCK

OFF

seriously, just fuck right off. I went to a funeral last friday, so I left work early - I wasn't even going to go to the funeral because I've only just re-started in this position but hey, bah. Fuck them - I'm looking for a new job, and as soon as i get one, i'm handing my crap in and i'm telling them to gdiaf asap plskthx.

Why is it..

2008-10-25T11:57:00.001+11:00

.. that as soon as i wander off to the toilet, the kitten and the bird follow me and squawk and mewl at me if i don't let them in?

and why is it, that my bird and kitten both sit on my shoulders and try to kill eachother without realising that MY FUCKING HEAD IS IN THE MIDDLE OF THEM BOTH?

.. and WHY is it, that the bird attacks the cat and dive bombs her when she's playing quietly? does he WANT her to come and try to eat him? omfg! *faint*

365 Days

2008-08-18T12:31:00.001+10:00

Okay

Had's doing 365 photos

Dee's doing 365 photos

I'll pretend I'm going to stick to it and do 365 photos too.

Just.. I haven't got a pic yet :D

It might get me posting more often if I know I have to stick to something.

oh hey dee, I gotta put that vid together still and upload it to do the vid meme - it's there, it's just.. not stuck together :D

That will come too :D

Emotes for Dee

2008-08-18T12:04:00.001+10:00

I got a new gif animator doohickey program - and made practice gifs - here they are - I know Dee likes teh cutes so they're for her :D (but you can use them too if you want to)
Chibi Monkey

Ugly Teddies

I feel Everything -

I feel more -

Grr - Scary Monsters

House hunting

2008-07-26T12:59:00.001+10:00

It's not easy. The end.

Oh wait no, there's more. We're looking around at the moment (when I say "we" I actually mean "me" and then I come home and tell EvilMe what I've found).

I have absolutely no idea about houses. I mean, I know what I like, and I know what I want, but I just dunno how to go about BUYING that. Gah!

I went to look at 4 different houses yesterday. 2 I liked, 1 was okay, and the last, meh. So really, I'm writing this just so I know what the hell I've been looking at, and as a reference point for later when I'm so bloody confused about what I've seen and when I saw it.. so here are the first 4

The first one. 3 bedrooms, asking price $255k+. Our budget allows $250k max. Fucking hell. It's close to B's school, and public transport for EvilMe (coz he doesn't drive). It's absolutely gorgeous inside, it's been looked after really well too. Man I want this house! It's only small, no carport, no garage, damn.. Ducted heating and cooling.. yay!

This onelooked nice from the outside, and was pretty ok on the inside, but man.. what the pics don't show you is the mattress in the bloody dining room where someone sleeps. The walls need painting badly, it's tenanted, and it stinks inside. Bleh. 3 bedrooms, 2 living areas, small backyard and a little seperate courtyard area (al fresco dining anyone?). It'd be awesome if it was done up, but the mattress in the dining room freaked the shit out of me.

This one is gorgeous. It's only tiny inside, but it's a perfect size for the 3 of us (13sq, same size as the unit we live in now). 3 bedrooms, nice little kitchen, carport & double garage. Strange cupboards tho - no doors! They're like hidden wardrobes in the wall. I really like this one but it's out of our price rang - $279k. Damnit.

Finally this one.. 3 bedrooms & study. It absolutely sucked inside. I hated the kitchen, the bedrooms were crappy sizes, it was dark and smelly and generally gave me the creeps.

So they're the first 4 contenders. I really liked the first and 3rd ones (can you tell?) but the other 2.. i guess with a bit of work.. meh.. not that it worries me, I know i can use these as bargaining tools later on - carport/garage to be built, or painting the walls or whatever.. okay now I'm just rambling, but yeah..

and a mortgage.

Damn this worries me. How do people cope? How do they budget? How do they not end up in a shoe box? What questions do I ask? I know what to ask when I'm looking for a property to rent, but to buy? It's not just the "oh how many bedrooms does it have? Is there heating and cooling? How much is the rent?" anymore, now it's "how big is the property? the land? what are the rates like? What about a building inspection? Is the structure sound? What price is it going for? Is the price negotiable? Can I have a copy of the section 32?" gah! I didnt even know what a section 32 was (it tells you everything about the property) until 2 days ago.

I shall keep you updated! Oh. On a totally different note. The $800+ dollars of tupperware that I ordered 2 months ago has arrived and my cupboards/fridge are getting neater. It's like a plastic container heaven. Will take pics and upload them too just so you can see what an absolute retard I am.

Fucking awesome

2008-07-03T19:20:00.001+10:00

I finally figured out how to add my blog to my scribefire doohickey addon in firefox, I can FINALLY post to my blog without having to login. Awesome pants!

I feel like absolute SHIT. Thankyou for reading my blog.

I re found the bus!

2008-05-04T18:31:00.002+10:00

Hahahah oh hilarity. Last week.. actually the past few weeks, have been god awful shitful and I've had the most awesomely hilarious (omg sarcasm?) life recently..

Anyway, friday morning I slept in - I'd only had like 2 hours sleep anyway.. so I kind of woke up a bit more than what I already was.. so I was late for work. I get onto the freeway and see a blue stationwagon that looks vaguely like my old car.. hmm.. nah, no way that's the bus. I make a mental note to double check if it's still there on my way home from work.

HOLY FUCKING BATSHIT BATMAN

On the way home, I pull up behind the car that's still there and it's the bus. Don't believe me?

here's a video to prove it.

SEE?! I TOLD YOU!!

Enjoy our trip :)

Oh and I've been in the mood for home decorating this weekend. I finally lost it last nite (ie: nearly had a nervous breakdown AGAIN) about the state of this place, and today I spent all day outside hanging up pretty new bamboo blinds.

My camera AND my phone are both dead, hence the lack of photos. Solly velly muchings. When I re-charge, i shall take pics and upload. I'm hiring a skip this week, and I've basically told EvilMe and B "If I can see it, it's going into the skip" so yeah, they'll be helping to make sure I don't throw everything away.

I've also put up chiffon tab top curtains in B's room - did that today also. When her room is totally finished, you shall definitely get pics.

I have a lot of catching up to do, I think i gotta stop playing mobwars damn you Niko!

Personal Banking the muppet way

2008-04-23T23:35:00.003+10:00

I'm so mad right now.. and i don't mean in the fun muppet loopy lalalalalala crazy way I usually am either.

I mean I'm really. Fucking. Mad.

I've had one absolute cunt of a day.

I mean, seriously, do you THINK I do my job just so you can ring me up about your husband's account, which, by the way, is finalised, and you have no fucking right to any information on, and enjoy it when you ring me and abuse the shit out of me coz YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND HOW INTEREST WORKS?

Okay, for those of you that don't know how interest works, I'll give you the muppet's guide to interest for retards (ie: this is how it makes sense in my fucking head, so it should make sense to everyone else):

Interest is calculated daily.

This means that every day, a little bit of interest grows on your account.

Interest is then charged at the end of the billing cycle.

This means that every day, a little bit of interest grows on your account, and then, when it's stopped growing when your statement is printed, it's added to the bottom of your bank statement.

Then the cycle starts again, from $0 interest on the next month's statement.

This means that the interest you currently have on your bill, will now incur it's own amount of interest. Why? Because even though it is interest, it now becomes part of your principal amount, or for retards like me.. the technical term for this amount is.. dum da daaaaaa "THE BALANCE".

If you still can't figure it out - principal is the amount of money that you have used on your account.

Your fees, too, become part of your principal. They also incur an amount of interest, which is charged at the current rate on whatever fucked up stupid retarded bit of plastic you have in your wallet that has 16 numbers on it that for some reason, most cunts can't fucking read the first time.

Okay so..

this is how it works -

You open a credit card. You activate the card, then you get charged an annual fee because now your card is active, the bank figures you're going to spend money. You'll get sent a statement requesting a minimum monthly payment, that payment is usually equal to 2% of the balance, or $10 - depending on which is higher.

You make your payment by the due date, you won't get charged a fucking late fee. Don't bitch to me that "oh well it was just $10.. i thought I'd pay it next month"

No. That doesn't work. You get a card, you read the rules, you find out that when it says "Payment due by.." it really DOES mean "payment due by.." It does not mean, in any way shape or form "payment due by.. but hey if you feel like paying it next month, that's okay, coz like.. we enjoy writing rules for nothing yeah?"

Your card WILL suspend after a number of days past the payment date IF YOU HAVE NOT MADE YOUR PAYMENT BY THAT DATE. Yes, that is correct. It will suspend. It's a temporary suspension. Don't ring me and say "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU CLOSE MY ACCOUNT YOU'RE A BUNCH OF FUCKERS I HATE YOU BOO HOO GIVE ME BACK MY WOWWYPOP" coz it's a SUSPENSION!

Remember when you were at school, and your mates got suspended for a day or three? Basically, credit cards work th e same way.

You get caught smoking numerous times, you get suspended for one day. Think of that as your Overnight Suspension. With cards, if you can't use your card today, but make a payment at a branch for the requested payment amount, you will have your card back tomorrow. Why? Because you're paying directly, in cash, into an account. This does not apply if you use a cheque. The cheque needs to clear. Do you understand this? It needs to fucking clear. If it's a business cheque, it will take 3 business days (NOT INCLUDING WEEKENDS THEY ARE NOT BUSINESS DAYS EVEN THO SUPERMARKETS ARE OPEN ON THEM..) and if it's a personal cheque, it's gonna take 5 business days (see above bracketed rant about what a business day is.)

Now, think of your mates again, they get into a punch on and get suspended for 2 days, the first day being on Friday. Does this mean that they'll go back to school on saturday? No. It does not. It means that they'll be going to school in the next week, 2 days after friday, which is TUESDAY.

This is generally how bpay payments to your card works. You have a suspended account, you make a bpay to your card on friday, we advise you that your card will not be available to you over the weekend, and that it will be available the next business evening after midnight (which is 12:01am Tuesday morning), and you crack the fucking sads.

I told you to go into a branch, but it's not my fault you're a lazy fuck.

Next time, stop sitting at your pc on the fucking internet surfing for gay midget clown porn, and get your ass to a branch and DEPOSIT CASH INTO YOUR ACCOUNT. You know why? Coz it means that the account will actually update overnight on the friday night and LO AND BEHOLD YOU'LL HAVE YOUR CARD BACK ON SATURDAY, thus enabling you to buy buttplugs and random other crap off ebay, as well as signing up for your latest dose of "Didgeridoo spectacular". I don't give a fuck how big your didgeridoo is. Get over it.

So anyway, back to the idiot that abused me.

I attempted to explain how interest works. She couldn't understand.

Scenario:

Cardholder phones the bank and requests a payout figure for the 8th of the month. He then advises us that it is being paid via Business cheque. When we calculate the payout figure to the 8th of the month, we also include an extra 3 days ontop to cover any incurred interest up until and including the date that the cheque clears. This means that there will be a small amount of interest charged at the end of the month to your statement, but it also means that the payout figure you were originally given, has taken your account into a positive credit balance, therefore when the interest is charged at the end of the statement cycle, it clears up your account and finalises it at a $0 balance.

It does not mean that you are being charged interest twice. No, it doesn't. It means that your interest is being CALCULATED up until and INCLUDING the date that your cheque clears, finalising all outstanding amounts and bringing your account into a credit balance. It then means that when your statement cycles a few weeks later, that your INTEREST IS CHARGED AT THE END OF THE MONTH. Please refer to above.

Calculated daily, Charged MONTHLY. Yes. Interest is like a period - it comes once a month and gives you the fucking shits the whole time it's around.

Just because you're a retard and can't figure out that saying "when we got the payout figure, we took into account that it'd take 3 days to clear and we covered the interest so our account was finalised then" is just fucking retarded. Coz no, it wasn't. Your account was finalised at the END of your statement CYCLE, which is when your statement gets printed and your interest is CHARGED.

I went around and around in circles forever with this stupid idiot before I finally lost it. Yup, I cracked sads real bad and pretty much said "I'm not going to continue this conversation with you, you obviously don't understand what I'm saying, even though I'm the one that works at a bank and knows how interest works, and you're a moron and can't figure it out". She then abused me some more, called me a few names, and then SCREECHED into my ear when I told her I'm not going to discuss the account again with her a 2nd time "FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING STUPID CUNT FUCK OFF".

You know what? I hung up. So screw you, silly cow.

I hope that you really REALLY enjoy the 10 different brochures I sent you via our brochure system at work today. One of them, surprisingly enough, was titled something like "Understanding Credit Card Interest"

Yeah, I sent 10 of them.

Bah.

She made me mad omg! I never EVER fucking get abused, and usually if I do, we're best mates by the end of the call. This is the first time that I have EVER been verbally abused at work by a customer, who DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW JACK SHIT ABOUT PEANUTS COZ SHE WASN'T THE FUCKING PRIMARY CARD HOLDER.

Yeah, the privacy policy states that only certain amounts of information can be divulged to a secondary card holder. Sucks to be them.

I bet her husband gets abused and then ordered to call us back with her screaming and ranting in the background about how shit our customer service department is. We're only as shit as the customers that abuse us lady. So, in your case, we're a bad bout of diahorrea. Fuck. You.

I asked my supervisor if I could note down that I thought this lady was a bitch troll from the 7th dimension of hell, but he told me that it might not be such a great idea, so I didn't. I wanted to tho.

Things Cooks Love

2008-04-21T18:59:00.001+10:00

Things Cooks Lovegreat free widgetsWidgetbox

My little KiKi pumpkin :)

2008-04-16T20:23:00.001+10:00

Babies grow too bloody fast I tell you.. and no, there's no Keith for Jay today. I broke my brain. I have a huge rant to do, but I wanted to have a happy post today.

Go to ImageShack® to Create your own Slideshow

Gardening sucks..

2008-03-30T13:35:00.005+11:00

Okay, so the flowers are nearly dead outside in their pots (thanks IGA for selling me dodgy plants.. yeah it's their fault not mine i didn't kill them.. serious!) but I bought more, and I'm keeping them inside for now just until they're ready to plant in my back yard.

Anyway, today I decided to go out and use my new $15 whipper snipper Bunnings Bargain.

I managed to kill it in under 5 minutes.

I rule!

In the 5 minutes it took me to kill my bargain snipper, I managed to lose the spring that makes the circle thing with the wire that cuts the bits and go bouncy bouncy, make the whole fucking bottom bit fall off and go skidding across the back yard, whack a couple of dozen weeds and clip my forehead with some flying shrapnel (I now have a nice big red welt on my forehead which EvilMe kissed better, but it's still sore).

I got my $15 dollars worth of backyard entertainment (heheh this thing is originally worth $90, I did pretty well).

And yes, I know that I've not updated all week and I've been slack. This would be because I've been working long shifts all week since just after the easter break. Starting at 10am and finishing at 8pm is not my fucking friend, let me tell you.

Which reminds me, I need to do my timesheet! Gah! (okay, I just opened the link for it, watch me forget to do it).

How many days has it been since I updated? 13? Yeah.. something like that.. hmm.. should I do a slideshow of 13 Daily Urbans for Jay? Yeah I probably should.. So here, my dear, is a fortnights of .. dum da daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Jay's
Daily (erp.. a fortnight's worth of daily's at least..)
Urbannnnnnnnnn!

The Emu Song

2008-03-17T23:32:00.003+11:00

B and I were talking about RHCP songs and B says "I really like the Emu Song" and I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. I thought she might've been talking about the song "Walkabout" which mentions aboriginals and boomerangs and going on a walkabout but nothing about Emus.. and then I realised that Walkabout isn't on the greatest hits cd. So I asked her to play the song for me, and so she did. Track 2, Greatest hits. Suck My Kiss.

So you might be wondering wtf? They don't sing about emus in this song. Yeah well, they don't. Unless you're 8. And then the lyrics "What I got you gotta get it put it in you" get turned into "What I got you gotta give it to an emu" and now I can't sing this song without changing the lyrics to the emu lyrics. Far out. It's one of my favorite songs, and it's been ruined.. BY HILARITY!

You know what's funny? All these years I've had the absolute omg hots for Anthony Kiedis (the singer) and now I look back and I look at the band now and realise that OH MY FUCKING GOD BUT JOHN FRUSCIANTE IS FUCKING SEX ON LEGS. OKay I'll relax now. But he is. He's hot. Oh fuck.. I need to sit my ass in a bucket of ice cold water I think and cool my hormones down. That's where they are yeah? Somewhere in the pantal region.

Okay, anyway, time for Jay's Daily Urban (Oh yeah, I should ring her mum tomorrow and see how she's doing.. someone remind me.. oh and THANKS A FUCKING LOT for reminding me to upload the videos. You're all as friggen lazy as I am, smelly buggers. Oh and I forgot to blog yesterday, thanks.. i blame you all for the heat and the blog and the yeah okay I'll shutup now..

DUM DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA PRESENTING...

JAY'S

DAILY

URBANNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Far out, now you tell me?

2008-03-17T00:05:00.000+11:00

Okay, get this, did I not just say that I didn't blog yesterday, and no one reminded me that I had to do it? or that I had to upload videos or anything like that? Yeah. My friends are brilliant check this out -

This conversation between myself and alalagator happened JUST AS I HIT PUBLISH ON MY FUCKING BLOG.

Emma - ¢ h î ħ ï ř ő - Never frown, even when you are sad, because you don't know who is falling in love with your smile. says:
you didnt write your daily blog for jay yesterday
slackarse
muppet says:
I KNOW
Emma - ¢ h î ħ ï ř ő - Never frown, even when you are sad, because you don't know who is falling in love with your smile. says:
OR today!
muppet says:
but i was hot and shitty and i just blogged now lol
Emma - ¢ h î ħ ï ř ő - Never frown, even when you are sad, because you don't know who is falling in love with your smile. says:
oh lol
muppet says:
fuck off i just finished blogging why you think i haven't been replying straight away?
ahahahah rolled
Emma - ¢ h î ħ ï ř ő - Never frown, even when you are sad, because you don't know who is falling in love with your smile. says:
fuck off (with NO added giraffe)
muppet says:
yeah
GET FUCKED with added giraffe just for your viewing pleasure
actually, i am gonna fuck off lol i'm tired and hot and i wanna go to bed

So now, I'm going to bed, and just to be a smartass, I'm going to travel back in time via Bloggerspace and make this post my Sunday post just coz I can so ner ner fucking ner. Oh shit wait..

and now..

it's time..

forrrrrr

JAY'S

DAILY

URBANNNNNNNNNNNNN

ps: the whole fucking time I was writing this blog, I had Emmah telling me to hurry up coz she needed to pee.

Tough luck I'm taking my time just to piss you off ner :D

I did see a Jay today..

2008-03-15T23:07:00.004+11:00

.. Man, you know when you have a best friend, and they're hurt, and you wanna make them feel all better straight away and not let them be owie anymore? That's what I wanted today for Jay. I've never felt so fucking useless in my life, if I could halve her ow time or at least even just take one broken wrist away so she can do stuff for herself a little bit, then I would. So I sat there and rambled while Jay tried to not fall asleep due to massive amounts of painkillers that don't kill pain but put her to sleep. Poor Tobydogger is sad too, he knows Jay can't give him pats so he looks at her all sad like only a sad dog can look sad, and just kind of flops there looking sad and Tobyesque. I got to see pics of where she fell too - god I hope the idiots that put that stupid annexe down without fencing it off, get into the deepest pile of deep shit that ever was deep.

So I gave her the Labrador teddy, and the giant box of Rochers, and she seemed happy :D She couldn't open the card, and I said I'd leave it for her, and yes, she gave me shit about not giving her a christmas or birthday card last year and decorating them, so I think I've made up for it. I's a good friend I's am! :D

Anyways,. I'm lazy today and haven't uploaded my stuff from my phone, so I might just edit this post tomorrow with videos of the fun stuff I did see today - the F14's doing fly by's over the grand prix (and doing U Turns above my building at work yay!) and a really stupid license plate, OH and a really pretty decorated back of a van thing.. yeah. Okay remind me to update tomorrow with that stuff okay? coz you know i'll forget!

And now, for today's Jay's Daily Urban..

Jay's Home!

2008-03-14T21:00:00.003+11:00

JayMum rang me just before to tell me that Jay did get home safe and sound and she's all okay. The meds the docs gave her are imaginary (ie: they don't work properly) but she sounds hilarious on the phone - she's losing her voice, and she sounds stoned. Yup. I had to laugh - the phone drama was the best. She can't hold a telephone, so she has to prop it up on her shoulder, it slid off her shoulder and the hilarity did ensue from there. I ended up getting off the phone as soon as they put me on speaker phone lol.

Anyway, I want to go to the grand prix. Everyone except me (and Jay of course..) is going. Janey has corporate tickets, Angie's going on Sunday too. Life sucks. My boyfriend doesn't understand formula one "What's the point of watching cars drive in circles?" GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DUDE OMG SERIOUS. It's not just coz they're driving round in circles, it's the atmosphere. Watching it on TV holds nothing against actually being there. Plus, the F14's.. the planes that go zoom! man I even missed out on the Blackhawk display this year :( I tried to watch it from the rooftop at work but yeah, I couldn't see shit for peanuts. So sad. so very very sad.

Anyway, I'm going to go see Jay tomorrow after work (I think I already said that for today lol) but I am going tomorrow arvo - and I'll be taking her the Golden Lab Teddy we got her, and a giant box of fereros. She better share or I'll smack her!!

Anyway, here's today's Jay's Daily Urban:

Jay did have an Op

2008-03-13T22:00:00.002+11:00

Oh hallo thar internet, Jay did have an operation on her wrists yesterday. Her mum tells me that she's doing fine, and that everything seems to have gone well. I'm just glad she told me the bit about the wires AFTER I'd finished eating dinner!

There are no pins, no plates, no rods.. just little wires, that apparently (somehow) will come out when she has the plaster removed from both of her wrists. Yeah see, I can't imagine how wires will just "come out" once the plaster is removed. There's gotta be something else.. i dunno.. pliers or something involved, doesn't there? Hahah I'm glad my dad doesn't know about it, he'd offer to remove the plaster with a circular saw and pull the wires out with his pliers. Oh man. Jay's already traumatised enough as it is, as IF she needs my father dearest traumatising her some more lol!

Oh, and the really really good news? They only plastered her wrists. Her fingers are loose and that means (yes, she asked the doctors, I have confirmation from her mum) that she might be back as early as next week!! Yay! Man we all thought it was gonna be like 8 weeks of no Jay on the internet, do you know how much that would've sucked?

My bird is even happy, he's whistling happy birdy songs while I type this, oh and he's laughing too! So he's super happy!! Everyone's happy that Jay's gonna be back online next week (fingers crossed!! Jay can even cross her fingers now too!) and the internet will return to normal!

I was gonna go visit her in the hospital, but JayMum told me that they're only allowing 2 (at first it was only 1!!) visitors in at a time, so after a quick discussion, we decided that I should go over after work on Saturday. She should be out of hospital tomorrow around midday, so that's always good.

I get to go annoy Jay! Yay!!

Oh hey, I just realised, if she's back next week, I don't have to blog everyday anymore! YAY!!

And now, presenting to you, Jay's Daily Urban:

100th Post!

2008-03-12T22:02:00.002+11:00

Oer this is my 100th post for this edition of my blog. How cool is that? Okay so it's pretty sad, but hey c'mon - I started blogging um, 3 years ago? I dunno.. I've managed to kill 1 blog, completely forget about my MySpace page, sometimes update my LiveJournal (and even then, that place is identical to this one simply because I copy paste and am too lazy to come up with something different to post!

Anyway, enough about me, lets talk about plants.

I'm hopeless at plants - no seriously - I look at them and they wither and die. The only plants I am successful at growing, and that is without any supervision whatsoever, are plants that people already have planted for me, or weeds. I'm good at weeds (plural, not weed you idiots). Ask Jay - How pretty was my backyard when it got all done up 2 years ago, and how er.. not pretty is it now? Sometimes it's pretty, it's strange - it grows grass in winter, and weeds in summer - it's kind of like it's making a deal that it'll look pretty when it wants to, and then compromise with shit awful ugly weeds in the summertime. The only bonus about that is if i let the weeds grow big enough, and then run them over with the lawnmower (which I did last weekend) all of the weeds will die until next summer. Pretty good deal if you ask me. Weed killer does not work in my garden, I have mutant weeds.

Anyway, B and I planted some plants today - we bought 4 punnets of seedlings, and stuck them into 3 seperate pots - one of each seedling per pot (3 seedlings per punnet) and then B planted some seeds that BigPong decided we needed. Not that I remember what they're called lol. Oh and I also found some half dead er... Idunnos..I think that's their species name.. but they're still growable so I'll give it a burl - if they drop dead oh wells, they cost me $0.50c so who cares right?

Anyway, here's the potted plants and the 4 punnets with the BigPong seeds in them

and here are the labels for the original punnets

I can actually tell the difference between all 4 of the plants I bought - I specifically bought 4 plants that look pretty, but are all different looking, just so I can look intelligent when people ask me what they are.

These guys are going into a mini garden I've decided I'm going to create outside my kitchen window. It might encourage me to stand at the sink more often if I can see something other than well.. weeds and rocks lol. I figure my hands will automatically start washing dishes by association if I'm just standing there admiring the view.

Oh, I also have some um.. what're those plants that are really good for summertime coz they don't need to be watered often? (No, not weeds, get lost).. I also have some of them in my backyard, and I know that they're easy to plant - Take some pieces off the already established bits, put in ground. It does the rest. No seriously, that's how i managed to actually grow some of the plants in my backyard. My landlady gave me a shopping bag (we do things classily in the western suburbs here) full of offcuts of the squishy plants that grow by sticking them in the ground.. and that's exactly what I did. So now, it's time to move some of them over to the other bit.

Yeah, I need a hobby. I suck at everything I do most days lol but maybe, just maybe, I wont suck too much at this.

(Didn't I say that last time?)
For Jay:

Jay is MIA for a while..

2008-03-11T22:23:00.003+11:00

My dear friend Jay - you might remember her as my "normal" friend, did go and do an ow and is now incapable of logging onto the internet. Sucks to be her. Actually, it DOES suck to be her. Poor Jay. She's gonna be MIA for at least 8 weeks, or until her wrists get better.

Basically, she had a nasty fall while she was away and both of her wrists are broken. She's okay, just, from what her mum tells me, she's rather sore and can't do much. So, I've made a promise to myself. I also told Lise, so Jay has someone else to blame when she comes back.

I'm going to blog every day while Jay's away just so she has something to read when she can log back on. She'll probably still be off work for a little while after her wrists are healed, so at least it'll keep her entertained, right?

She's gonna hate me forever you realise. But she knows I lubs her. Oh and, I'm also bringing back my IMJ sig - remember the good ol' IMJ I Miss Jay sig from all those years ago when she went away and left me and the internet all alone? Yeah, I'm bringing that back into play. Just til she logs back on. And then, I won't miss her anymore, so then I won't have to use it anymore.. at least til the next time she disappears!

Okay so basically - if you want to - leave Jay a get well soon(ish) message on any post from here on until you stop seeing the IMJ's at the end of my posts.

And now, that's the end of my first stupid post. Jay, come back and save the internet from my bullshit please, I don't think it's going to be able to cope. Argh!

I miss Jay all my other friends are weirdos. Yeah, even the people reading this (that includes you.. stop reading now k? OMG STOP! IF YOU DON'T STOP THEN I'LL HAVE TO KEEP TYPING AAAAAAAAAAARGH!! okay that's better you stopped readi... hey wtf? WHY ARE YOU READING AGAIN? gah!)

Here Jay, I got you a present!

Don't let me get bored, mkay?

2008-02-22T14:51:00.001+11:00

When I'm bored and sick and sitting at home.. and my daughter just happens to be around for me to traumatise.. this is what we do..

Bah. Kids.

2008-02-11T01:19:00.000+11:00

They grow up too fast.

Go to ImageShack® to Create your own Slideshow
Half way thru primary school now y'know. Grade 3. Sigh.

I R AUNTY MUPP

2008-01-19T02:39:00.000+11:00

Things have been absolutely bananas here for the past few days - and this is why:

By muppy

oh wait, no that's me on the day I shaved my head..

hmm.. lemme see, where are those pictures?

Oh, hallo B - what's that you have thar? A King penguin thing? Hey! I won that guy in the skill tester at our shopping centre.. aren't I a clever mum? Come a bit closer and show us what he looks like..

By muppy
Far out B - stop it with those rabbit ears - do you know how much that drives me insane? Come on - give me ONE decent photo of you.. show me your lovely smile!

By muppy
aaaaaaaaaaaargh I give up.. now, what was it I was looking for again?

Oh, that's right -

Life's been super hectic here.. and THIS is why..

By muppy
oh wait, no that's not it - that's the bird that fucking attacked me at the caryard when I went and bought my new shiny vroom :D Which reminds me.. I still need to take pictures of it.. hmm.. must remember to do that tomorrow..

So anyway.. life.. hectic.. because of:

By muppy

wtf? Captain Feathersw..um no, wait that's B and my mum.. quack quack quack quack QUACK COCKADOODLEGETLOST omg.. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh .. look.. there are pictures.. and I'll upload them, just as soon as they start pasting properly! ;)

By muppy
OH HEY! IT'S JEFF! WAKE UP JEFF!!!

Oh fuck it, I give up.. I'll just keep pasting pics until the right ones turn up..

By muppy

That's my new freezer, I dunno if i showed it to you guys, but yeah, that's it.. it's full of food - don't ask me where THAT photo went.. I think my new camera got hungry and ate it straight off the memory stick...

By muppy
wtf? I didn't take this pic.. bloody kid, playing with my phone! :D God but red suits her!

Oh..

OH!!!

Yay! I found what I was looking for!!

By muppy

Say hello to my new niece - Kiana Shanae, born at 3:12am yesterday (17/01/08) weighing in at a lovely 7lb 6oz.

She looks like a squished up baby monkey, but don't all newborns? Personally, I thought B looked like a baby orangutan when she was born, so it all balances out - so long as they're healthy, they can look like any squished up baby mammal you choose, coz they're always cute when they're little, right? (and when I say squished, I mean squished up like a pug not like a run over rabbit.. gimme a break guys)

I sat up, like a good aunt, and waited by the phone until it rang with the good news. I was so SO excited - I cried.

Shutup - i cry too y'know - i just want someone to explain why we cry when we're happy.. that's another blog I guess..

By muppy

That's my babyest brother Andy and his girlfriend Effie cuddling up with Kiana. I have pics of my other bro and his wife (i mean, the PROUD PARENTS) but I gotta find the cable for my OTHER camera to upload - I even have a pic of Me, EvilMe and B having a cuddle with Bub :D

Coming up in my next blog -

Car photos..

I finally reveal the name of my car.. (shutup Jay just coz you know what I called it)..

and a whole bunch of other useless shit that I have no idea about but I'll pretend that I do :D

I got lol

2008-01-10T23:54:00.000+11:00

I like being boss.. i get fun phone calls

One of the girls at the shop i manage phoned me up today

me: whassup?
her: there's a bird..
me: wtf? where?
her: in the shop!
me: so what do you want me to do about it?
her: I dunno.. what should i do?
me: How about asking it if it's going to buy a book?
her: oka..wtf? shutup this is serious! what do i do?
me: ask it if it wants a job?
her: OMG TANJA HELP ME OUT HERE!
me: what the hell? what type of bird is it that's got you so scared? There's no vultures in the western suburbs
her: it's a.. a.. omg.. it's a PIGEON
me: *stares at phone and then hangs up call*

i love my girls they make me laugh so much :D

I called her back and told her to shoo it out with the broom.. dunno why she didn't think of that in the first place lol.

2008-01-05T14:08:00.000+11:00

I have purchased a car. I really like my new car. I don't have it yet, it's gotta have the roadworthy and all that fun stuff done still, but it's nice.. and it's green.. and i like it.. and I can't wait until I get it on Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm so excited it's unbelievable.

Go lookie at my new vroom - it r yay!

I just want one day dudes - seriously.. just one fucking day, where that car does not cause me a drama.. does not require RACV assistance.. does not konk out coz it ran out of petrol (okay that's my fault.. but all the other stuff isn't my fault completely is it?)

Today started out brilliantly - the car we went and looked out turned out to be an absolute winner, it has EVERYTHING I want and need in a new goggo and I'm delighted that we didn't have to drive an hour away to buy a car. We even managed to get a $1000 trade in price on the bus. Fucking SWEET. Serious - we were figuring we'd probably get about.. i dunno.. $20? or an offer of "you give me $300 and I'll take this piece of shit off your hands forever" .. i wouldn't have been happy with that, but it's a fair assessment.

We did the new car thing, then went to deposit B at her father's place and then we were heading back home to my dad's place when the drama llama jumped out and decided that today, of all days, is a day for serious shitfuls.

Sapia said this in my previous post at LiveJournal:

"Oh god

I don't know how you managed to have that much shit happen in such a short amount of time."

Well, I'll answer her here - because simply, it's a response worthy of it's own post.

The reason, my dear friend Sapia, is simply put. It's because my car is shit. The end.

Does that make sense?

So we're (we being me, my dad and my brother Luke) stuck in traffic because of roadworks on the westgate bridge, happily chatting away about the new car and all of that stuff when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, BANG.

To be quite honest, I don't remember what happened, just short bursts and flashes - one minute we were chatting about the new car and I was the last person in the line of traffic and then the next, I've had my car rammed so fucking hard up the ass that it's almost pushed me directly under a semi trailer - and god fucking knows how the hell I managed to swerve to avoid that trailer and get my car across another lane and into an emergency lane without getting killed.

We were stationary - the guy that hit us? He drove into us at about 60-70km/h (we think.. he didn't even know how fast he was going, which really, could mean he was actually going faster than that).

He has no insurance.

I don't have insurance either.

Oh hey, do you recall the part earlier where I said that the dealer offered me $1k for my car?

Yeah.. fuck.

I'm so fucking screwed. The guy seemed genuinely concerned - and so he should be, he drives a much newer car than I do and he has no insurance. He's fucked - his car might even possibly be a write off. I dunno. It was still driveable but his bumper bar was about half way up his engine mount.

My car? Realistically - it's a write off. The caryard has been informed as I have a contract with them regarding the vehicle - and they've said it should all be okay, not to worry too much.

You see, the thing is, I know none of you are surprised by this happening! So I dunno why the hell I'm so bloody surprised.

You know what? I just wanna know why no one could fucking write my car off completely (yes my car is now officially a write off) about six months ago when I wasn't trading it in.

Where the fuck is the justice in this world?

Gah.

I hate my car

2008-01-04T00:04:00.000+11:00

I think the Bus is going this weekend.

The past month and a bit has been hilariously hectic - which is why I've pretty much been an internet-no-show for the past 6 weeks or so (when was my last post? when I shaved my head? yeah.. figured as much)

I've got so much to tell, but I only want to talk about my car at the moment. You all know about my car. You all know how much I luuuuuuuuuuuuuurve my car ♥♥♥ and you all know how sad I'm going to be (is it really possible to die of laughter? coz I'm thinking that I might..) when the ~~shitbox~~ i mean..uh..when the Bus and I finally go our seperate ways.

Ahh where do I start? In the middle? Nah.. might as well start at the beginning..

The carpark at my work is a death trap. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but every time you turn a corner when you're leaving or entering that place, you're guaranteed to almost come to a head on collision. I've managed to avoid one, til recently. See, what happens is you get all the way to the boom gate out of the garage and breathe a sigh of relief coz you've managed to not hit the benzes and the beemers and the alfas and what not with your shitbox Camry wagon, you drive out of the gate and then BOOM a 2 week old mazda 3 drives into your front end.

Ahhhhhhhhhh shit. Okay so it's not my fault, but because I don't have insurance on the bus, and because AAMI are an asshole of an insurance company, they're now trying to screw me sideways. The first thing they said to me was "After an investigation, we've concluded that you're at fault.."

Investigation?

WHAT FUCKING INVESTIGATION?

No serious - wouldn't an investigation include um.. i dunno.. asking ME what fucking happened?

Apparently not.

So yeah, that's been fun - it's still unresolved, and my car still has (apparently) $2500 worth of damage.. which basically means, my car is a repairable write off if they decide that I'm not actually at fault, which I'm not, but I'm sure that they're going to fuck me sideways until they're absolutely certain that I'm actually telling the truth.

I mean, seriously, as IF I'd drive my piece of shit into a 2 week old mazda 3.

So there was that.. and then..

Three days later, I'm sitting at the lights waiting for them to go green (mind you, I was in a shit mood coz it was hot and mum dragged me to see the wiggles - which was okay coz they sang quack quack cockadoodle .. don't ask.. but yeah anyway..) when all of a sudden, my VERY STATIONARY car moved forward about 2 feet. The worst thing about this was that there was a very very expensive Jag infront of me. Yeah.. holy fuck I'm glad that the light turned green when the car behind me (a 1982 ford laser mind you..) hit the back end of my car.

Luckily, there was no damage to my car, but the poor bugger who hit my car, his front end got demolished. Dunno how that happens, but yeah.. I felt so bad for him, especially considering the first thing he said when he got out of the car was "oh.. my fucking.. OMG.. my mum's gonna KILL ME!!" I kind of chuckled at that, even tho I know the situation is nowhere near funny, but hey, his car is the borked one, not mine (oh wait.. yeah it is, just not in the corner he hit).. He followed it up with "oh shit.. man I'm sorry.. and you have a kid in the car, are you both ok?"

Now, before that point I'd decided it wasn't worth going thru the whole insurance thing with this guy - there's jack shit wrong with where he hit my car, and his front end is messed up bad.. but after he said that? I told him "look, just tell your mum you were parked at the shopping centre.. it's christmas.. and say that's how you found the car.."

This guy was so happy that he hugged me three times and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

That's gratitude for you :D

So yeah, that was a kind of sad story with a happy ending.. but then..

Each year, Jay, B and I go driving around to look at christmas lights. It's a tradition. We go to dinner. We order the same sort of meal every year, we drive around til it's dark looking for adventures, then we go to the christmas tree light farm.. then we drive around some more looking at everyone's homes and enjoying the light displays.

This year, it all got screwed up. It rained. and rained. and rained and rained AND RAINED SOME MORE! There was an absolute downpour and roads were flooding.. it was insane.

So like.. what's the first thing you expect me to do in a situation like that?

Drive around of course.

So we drive around looking for adventures, B falls asleep in the back (that's how shit it was) and then I go to the shop to do my paperwork. On the way to the shop, we drove up and down this road with a HUGE dip in it that every time you went down you felt like you were on a roller coaster and ended up with your stomach hanging around somewhere near your tonsils.. and then as you drive back up - your stomach ends up near your toes. Of course, this only really works at 60kms/h or more.. so yeah... you can imagine how fast I was going. It's not a great idea though, coz the first thing you want to do as you're going down the dip is close your eyes and cover your face with your hands - it takes a lot of guts i mean.. stupidity.. to do what we did with our eyes open. That, my friends, was the highlight for the night until..

I finish up my paperwork and then it's time for me and Jay to go home. Half way home, WOOSH we drive thru a huge ass puddle and me being me.. and jay being jay.. we get excited and decide we should go looking for more fun puddles to drive thru. At that same moment, a cop car drives past, lights flashing - and for about 4 seconds we consider following it.. then I remember that my headlight is broken (it still works, it's just smashed up) and that maybe following police cars at midnight with a car that could um.. possibly.. be unroadworthy.. would be a bad idea.

Isn't it just our luck that the next thing that passes us is a fire engine?

So what did we do? We're at the street we need to turn into to head to my place.. and what did we do? What do you think we did? We followed the fire engine didn't we? Yeah, it wasn't a good idea... we know this now. At that time though (midnight to be exact), it seemed to be a fantastic idea. Mr Fireman is driving his firetruck and turns a corner, we go to follow and get a red arrow.

Goddamnit we can't follow him anymore. Poop.

So we drive straight, and hit another puddle.. WOOHOO! Puddles yay! I figure (in the tiny little brain of mine) that maybe if we turned right, we could somehow cut the fire engine off and meet it up at the next intersection..

I wasn't counting on the road being flooded was I?

So - we're off looking for puddles.. and fire engines.. and then, a puddle finds us. Seriously this thing was all the way across the road, four cars long and about half a wheel deep. It didn't even look like there was a puddle (river?) on the road, it just looked like the road was wet.. which it was.. but we didn't realise it was THAT wet! The first thing we did when we hit the puddle was shit a brick. At least I had enough common sense not to brake, which is what I wanted to do.. I slowed down (water was pouring all over the car from the rain and from the puddle) and we make it all the way thru without any hassle, we both look at eachother and breathe a big sigh of relief.

Then..

the electricals all start to die.

Lights start flickering.. engine starts straining.. stuff starts going weird..

3 metres out of the puddle.. and the car dies.

You know how people have "famous last words"? My famous last words at that moment were "oops"

Jay pointed out that it was a bit of an understatement.. she wasn't far wrong. We sat in the car, in the rain, for half an hour trying to get it started.. we then figured it was time to call the RACV.. you know what I hear? "there is an approximate 10 minute wait before we can attend your call.. and approximately a 3 hour wait before we can service you" or something like that. Just. Fucking. Great.

We sit in the car, and debate.. I choose, at that moment, to point out to Jay that we were looking for an adventure.. she chose (rightly so) to point out that I'm an idiot (even though she didn't use those exact words..) and we continued brainstorming.

Suggestion 1: Ring my brother the mechanic?
Answer: No.
Reason: He'll kill me for waking him up. He'll kill me for waking up his pregnant wife. He'll just kill me.

Suggestion 2: Ring my dad
Answer: No
Reason: I'll never hear the end of it. He'll kill me also. And I'll never live it down.

Suggestion 3: Ring the RACV back
Answer: Tried
Outcome: Hung up - same as above. Grrr!

Suggestion 4: Ring Jay's mum
Answer: No
Reason: She lives 1/2 an hour away..
Reconsideration: Better than getting killed by my parents/brother.

So we call JayMum. She's not impressed to say the least, but she's a good JayMum and she comes out to rescue her daughter, and her daughter's idiot best friend. She eventually gets there and we try to jump the car.

Not gonna happen.

We try and try and try and each time.. nothing happens.. then, a gift from the gods alights from the train passing by (he actually got off the train coz he thought the bottleshop was open at midnight right? yeah in st. albans.. what a goose..) and comes across to help us.

You know what the best words to hear are when you're broken down on the side of the road in the rain? "what's up ladies? I'm a mechanic.."

He tried absolutely everything to get my car going for about 2 hours. He eventually had to concede defeat and said "I can't get the distributor cap off.. and I bet that's what it is.."

So we go home. Leave my car on the nature strip (sorry Jay, I know you said you weren't gonna push my car hahaha oh you got jibbed lol) and go home.

The next morning I go back to my car, call the RACV and he's there within 10 minutes. You know you have a shit car when the first words out of the mechanics mouth are "Hi Tan, nice to see you again.. what's wrong this time?" (he was out to jump my car earlier that week).. I explained what happened, and he laughed. He took the distributor cap off and lo and behold.. 2 cups of water fall out.

It's kind of hard to make your car work when it's DROWNING.

You know how he fixed it? Wiped the inside down with a towel, sprayed some WD40 inside it and screwed the cap back on.

Viola! Car go workie yay!

Ahh.. you think that's the end do you? Well.. it's not..

The car's okay for a week or three .. I thought that maybe the wash the engine got was doing the car good.. but yah, a couple of weeks and it's time to have the car jumped again. Instead of ringing My RACV guy, I ring my friend Caz.. I know she's on her way to the shop that I'm managing (hahah I pretend I'm boss and no one listens anyway) so I call her and say "come past my place, jumpstart my car please?" and she does so. She's a good friend like that.

The bus is not happy. It doesn't want to go. It doesn't want to start. I kicked it and said "start you fucking stupid thing or I'm gonna take a sledgehammer to you".. and it still didn't start..

Eventually, I just let the battery charge off her car while hers was running.. lo and behold.. the bus starts.

Now.. I know that I should turn off the car I jumped mine off, but we were in a rush to get to the shop and open up, so I grabbed the leads and took them both off my battery, black first, red next.. as I was grabbing the black lead tho, my fingers went inbetween the clamps and I felt a very strong tingle running up my arm.

I fucking electrocuted (okay, overexaggeration) myself. 12 volts of power shot thru me. It was over with in a second or two, and I was okay.. til my arm started to tingle.. and my hand went all numb.. and then I had no feeling whatsoever in my arm and I'm getting weird heart palpitations.

I head off to the doctor's and after the usual pleasantries he says "So what've you done to yourself this time Tanja?" I explain what happened.. and he sits there and smirks at me and says "well.. Tanja.. you're a bright spark aren't you?"

Oh the fucking hilarity.

He gave me the day off, so I let my bosses know I wasn't going to be in. One of them sends an sms back - "I guess you're gonna be charged and ready to go tomorrow?" oh ha ha..

follow it with comments such as "Ohm-i-god" and "that's shocking" and "amp-parrently cars arent meant to jump start people" from various family (*glares at my dad*) I'm surrounded by fucking comedians.

I hope they keep their day jobs and don't CHARGE people for listening to their jokes.. *boom tish*

And so that's that.. or is it? There's still two days before I go to check this new car out

who knows what'll happen between now and saturday morning.

Anyway, I'm off to bed. Hopefully I don't glow in the dark. I might go find myself a light globe and see if I can do an uncle fester to find my way around the house at night :D

(yeah I'm okay now.. just injured my pride lol)

Finally!

2007-11-27T01:41:00.000+11:00

.. and the video you've all been waiting for..

if you can't see it, come back later - it's still authorising or some such crap who knows wtf is going on lol.

Ahh joy. It's done. I'm going to bed!

omg..

2007-11-27T01:01:00.000+11:00

it's done. My hair is gone. I look like a coconut.

I'm going to upload the video tonight to youtube, the link will be here in the afternoon.

B helped me make the vid - I must say, considering this is the first time i've ever done anything like this, I think it's pretty funny :D

So, I hope you guys enjoy - remember to link everyone you know to the video so I can win $2k :p C'mon - I just shaved my head, I need cash to buy wigs and headscarves!

Oh and, here's B.

Argh Kids! Again!

2007-11-26T15:09:00.000+11:00

.. okay so from last nite..

We get up to have breakfast, B doesn't say anything.

We go and jump in the shower (we're saving water see by showering together in the mornings!) .. B doesn't say anything.

So just as I start to breathe easy, and just as I start brushing my teeth..

"so what was all that about last nite?" the little voice at my elbow asks me

I ask her what she thinks was happening. Now, you have to remember, I have a "do not bullshit to the child" policy - which means that if she asks me a direct question, I will give her a direct answer. But first, I get to test the waters.

"You were having a bad dream?" she said.

Me "Actually, no, I wasn't."

She looked at me, scratched her head and then went "I don't know mum, what was happening?"

So I said to her "well, we were having sex.."

the response?

Fucking priceless.

"EW MUM WHAT? YUCK!"

aaaaaaaaaahahahah I had to work so hard to keep a straight face, I just stuck my toothbrush back into my mouth and kept brushing. She followed suit. Just after we finish rinsing our toothpaste filled mouths out she says "I don't like it when you make all that noise, you woke me up, it's rude, I need sleep too you know? Why not do it during the day?"

Seriously, she's trying to run my sex life now?

My reply was simple "We can't do it during the day, we're both at work, so we wait until night time when we go to bed and have cuddles to do it.."

ahh yeah I thought that was going to be the end of it, but no, she had other ideas.

"well, when you're both home together on the weekends, you can do it during the day, just.. ring nanna and tell her to pick me up so I don't have to listen to you ok?"

Quick Headshave Update

2007-11-25T23:53:00.000+11:00

Wow, two blog posts in one day. Sweet. Actually, I just didn't wanna put this in with the omg embarassing previous post.

Okay, tomorrow is B Day. No. It's not B's birthday, it's not anyone's birthday (well, no one that I know anyway) it's Bald Day.

B and I will be making a video (after I've had a "chat" with her, refer to previous post) of my head shaving shenanigans. This will include B wearing a Will and Lehmo "Lehmovember" T-Shirt, coz we're entering a competition to win $2k at the same time as I'm shaving my head for LoL and Charity. (Hey, that'd be an awesome name for a band I reckon.. whatcha think?)

So. The video will be made in typical muppet fashion (ie: We'll both be acting like idiots while I try to shave my head). It'll then be uploaded to YouTube for lolness. Shit, I gotta go make another YT account, dad was using mine and fucked up the password *grr* and I can't remember what my original password is (damned cookies making life so easy argh!)

I shall post linkage here, as well as on my LJ account, on moonbuggy.org as the bug man himself has offered to host the vid for me too.

The whole point of the Will and Lehmo Lehmovember thing is to raise awareness of men's health. Obviously, you'd all be aware of movember.., well, yeah, this is their spin on it.

So, for many charitable reasons, my url (when posted) for the vid needs to be sent off to as many people as possible. Please? I don't care. Spam your friends. Seriously, I'll make it worth your while.

And if you're wanting to know which charities are going to be helped, here's a quick summary:

Kids in the 4th largest Kenyan Orphanage (the original reason for the head shave)
movember (making men aware that they have a thing up their bum that can make them sick if they don't look after it, and men's depression and other health issues)
My wallet (coz it's empty, and I'm saving for a car..)

Hey, I did say I'd win $2k if I won the prize - what I didn't mention is that Will & Lehmo are donating $5k to movember. See. It all works out!

Aren't kids fun?

2007-11-25T23:34:00.000+11:00

MyMum. Please don't read this.

Omg.. do you know what's worse than getting busted having sex with your partner? Having to explain what it was that you were doing to your 8 year old daughter.

B: mum you woke me up.. what're you doing?"
me: um.. i'll explain later
B: but you woke me up so why?
me: i'll explain later go to bed
B: tomorrow in the morning?
me: yeah
B: don't forget.. coz you woke me up..

man talk about killing the moment.

Shortly after that, it was followed up with "are you making a baby?" OMG GO AWAY.

I think that's gotta be the first time she's ever busted me and EvilMe going hammer and tongs having seriously hot monkey sex. It's not my fault she woke up, it's EvilMe's - he's gotta stop being so fucking good at it! Actually, no. I take that back. He can keep on being good at it, I'll just stick a pillow over my fucking head or something to shut me the hell up, or at least muffle the sounds. Maybe I'll buy a muzzle/gag thing - who knows, it could be kinky.

I'll post the rest of this story tomorrow afternoon, after I've had to do the explaining.

I have news!

2007-11-22T15:42:00.000+11:00

What do you want? The good news first, or the bad news?

Ahh fuck it, I'll give you the good news first.

The good news is I DON'T HAVE TO SHAVE MY HEAD TODAY!!!!!!

okay, now it's time for the bad news...

I have to shave it next week instead.

Damn. We have an extra week to raise money, but at last tally, we've raised $1016. There goes my hair.

Oh and, I have more news.. Dee's gonna be happy - and then kill me.

Chrisco arrived 2 days ago. The past few days have been absolutely bananas and I didn't even get a chance to do my usual photoblog of chrisco boxes, but what I did make was a video of food all over the kitchen floor. But first, I must explain this year's chrisco drama.

First off - I didn't know that chrisco was coming 2 days ago - this is why I couldn't prepare myself for it's arrival.

How does one plan for a chrisco hamper full of lovely foods arrival? Well, if you're me, you'd need to buy a new freezer coz the one in the garage has shit a brick and died, only I didnt know this so it probably died about 3 months ago. EvilMe was the one who discovered it. You can guess how happy he was to ~~smell~~ make the discovery, I bet.

Did I mention that I was at work when the hampers arrived? Oh yeah, I don't think that I did. So, I was at work when the hampers arrived, and as usual, I had my phone on silent. How was I meant to know that chrisco day was going to be a day of drama?

Anyway, he knew he couldn't get hold of me, so called my friend Nic who I order my chrisco from - between the two of them I think I ended up with about 10 missed calls.

Oh, B stayed at home with EvilMe on Chrisco Day also - it was too hot to send her to school. I could just imagine the drama that ensued - I ended up having to leave work an hour and a half early to go home and sort out the catastrophes that were happening there. As I walk in, I'm greeted by towers of boxes (14 in total in my kitchen, with another 2 hampers to come via auspost, yay!) and half unpacked boxes.

Oh, it was really fucking hot on tuesday also. Like seriously.. this weather is spaz, but that's another story.. So, I walk in and the two of them have attempted to unpack the hampers WITHOUT ME even tho I specifically told them to leave everything in the boxes (the frozen stuff will stay frozen so long as stuff's not tampered with..) and I'll sort it out when I get home.

No one listens to me, I swear!

I get home, and we make a decision - we must go and buy a new freezer. Off we go to the bank to withdraw some cash (our savings account isn't linked to any cards, coz that way, we'll actually save money, you know?.. unless, we have to buy freezers of course..anyway back to the story) and we go driving out to some super special cheapo freezer place that Nic had told me about.

We got lost didn't we? Of course we did.. but I was in the right area, just I didn't have an address to find the place, just directions from Nic over the phone.

So we're lost, we're hot, i'm shitty and by this time, B and Mike are too.

That's when I decided it was time to do a U Turn, go home, drop them both off and go and buy a freezer by myself.

B decided she wanted to come freezer shopping even tho she'd been whinging that she was bored bored bored. I gave her two options - come with me, possibly get a smack or yelled at coz I'm grumpy, or stay at home and play PS2 with EvilMe..

Dunno why, but she chose to come with me. Weird.

We bought the freezer - being the queen of awesome that I am, I managed to talk the guy down on the price - freezer worth $699, muppet buys for $499. How sweet is that?

The conversation basically went like this:

me: I like that freezer, how much does it cost?
him: $699
me: but I like that freezer, and I only have $500
him: but the freezer is $699
me: okay, you don't understand, I've had a very bad day, and I only have $500, and that is the freezer that I want.
him: but the freezer is $699....
me: I have $500. I want that freezer.
him: Okay, I'll see what I can do. *wanders off.. comes back* Okay, boss said $499
me: how much is it for delivery?
him: $40..
me: see if it fits in the back of my stationwagon please. I only have $500.
him: Delivery charges apply, no discounts
me: did I ask for a discount? no. It should fit in the back of the car. Thanks

So yeah, I'm one of THOSE customers. But, I really REALLY wanted that freezer!

So the freezer fit in the back of my car, it came home, we unpacked chrisco from about um.. 5pm til 10:30pm, then I cooked dinner, and then we all passed out.

I still have chrisco boxes all over my house.

That's the only thing I hate about chrisco. The boxes. Oh and the stupid tinsel. I have a whole shopping bag full of strip tinsel or whatever the hell it's called lol, B's going to take it to school with her for their christmas decorations.

So now, to the fun stuff - this has both EvilMuppet and MuppetJr (as she insists on being called now whenever she's online.. I still call her B lol) in the clip, and my crazy ramblings (as usual) and hopefully it fucking works coz if it doesn't then I'm going to punch someone.

Oh, see that stuff that EvilMe and MuppetJr are playing with in the loungeroom? Special Chrisco Surpise Presents - pretty much the whole Simpsons cast in figurine form.

Cutest thing ever seeing those two sitting down playing simpsons together lol.

Friday to Sunday - this is my weekend

2007-11-12T22:46:00.001+11:00

Friday was work. I had to work. I need money. Same reason I worked on Saturday - BUT...

By muppy
I get coffee that looks like this greeting me at the cafe..
and then, when I finish work, I have an extremely unhealthy lunch.. and it looks like this:

By muppy

so then I go to work on Saturday, and there's no one around and the phones aren't so busy.. but hey I can pretend I'm working, look -

By muppy
See, I work hard. Don't I just? I was playing tetris for an hour and a half before I got another call. Worst fucking game in the world is that Tetris game - you close your eyes after forever playing it and you see little blocks floating around on the inside of your eyeballs.. you go to bed and you hear tetris music.. gahhhhhhh

Sunday was babyshower for my sister in law. I finally met my baby cousins.

See. I hold babies sometimes.
She dribbled all over me.
Kids are smelly. Bah. For some reason, I don't think that my cousin took it as a compliment when I said "omg she's gorgeous! She looks just like a baby chimp!"

Serious. She does. She's so cute though. Just.. she has that sticky uppy hair that baby chimps have.

At least I didn't tell my other cousin that I thought her newborn son looked like Mr Potato Head.. Oh come ON.. seriously.. all newborns look like Mr Potato Head - just without the glasses.

I love it that kids that aren't mine can be handed back at the end of the day! :D

And one day, I'll learn to cut those fucking tags off my clothes coz they keep on flopping out all over the place and I'm scared if I walk past a wardrobe an army of coathangers will chase me and try and hang me off the rail.

Next Year's Chrisco Order

2007-11-08T23:04:00.000+11:00

Okay, I've finished paying off my chrisco order for this year.. now I've put in next years order.

Here it is - links to actual info on what's in the pictures of course :D

mega Holiday Hamper

Mega Christmas Hamper

Kids Mega Hamper

Breakfast Hamper

Kids Breakfast Hamper

Kids Thirst Quenchers Hamper

Coca Cola Hamper

Hearty Cuisine Hamper

Freezer Favourites Hamper

Kids Freezer Favourites Hamper

Gourmet Chicken Hamper

Mega Party Pieces + Add On

So, that's shopping done for 2009 lol.. possibly even 2010 and 2011 i think - but do you even understand HOW FUCKING MUCH I HATE GOING GROCERY SHOPPING?

Yeah, I thought you might, even if you didn't before, you get it now, don't you? :D

Oh and if you were wondering, the total amount for all of my hampers next year is $4434, that works out to just over $85 a week.

Chrisco needs to do Chrisco Cars. Coz really, I've just paid off half a car loan in the last two years, next year's hampers would be finalizing it. Bah.

oh man

2007-11-08T19:55:00.000+11:00

..I'm in trouble.. My best friend for a billion years, Luci, is not happy with me. Can you guess why?

TANJANA

NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME TANJANA

YOU PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO MY WOG TANTRUM TANJANA

DONT YOU DARE SHAVE YOUR HAIR TANJANA

CHARITY OR NOT TANJANA

UNDERSTAND, TANJA GENOVESE????

??????

I'm still shaving my head y'know.. I'm not scared of him!

..only coz he doesn't live in Melbourne anymore. And I seriously can't see him flying down from london just to give me a headslap. Phew!

My hair..

2007-11-07T18:48:00.000+11:00

.. is gonna get shaved off at this rate lol.

I just opened an account to have deposits put into, so for anyone wishing to donate can you send me an email at muppet (at) australisdotnet (remember, replace the word dot with a . plskthx lol) and i'll get back to you with an account number :D

I approached Hairhouse Warehouse today about possibly donating a wig as a type of sponsorship thing, left a message with one of the girls that works there and asked for the manager to call me back. Hopefully he will. I don't see myself coping too well with a number 3 all round lol. Although, my parents are already laying bets on how long it'll take before the regrowth starts to shit me being my natural (omg I haven't seen my natural color for nearly 15 years!) color and bleach it and color it green or something just for fun. So hopefully, fingers crossed, he agrees to donating a wig (it doesn't have to be anything fancy..just something that's not a multicolored clown wig (i saw some of them on the foam heads there today) that looks ok to wear to work) I saw a really pretty short brown one that might look ok on my big round head.. I would understand if he decided not to tho - I mean, what fool in their right mind would shave their head for charit.. oh wait yeah.. me!

So please, if you want to donate, please do - I promise to provide lots of pics of the ~~trauma~~ head shaving process and video too.

I need your help..

2007-11-05T18:35:00.001+11:00

If we raise $1000 i'm going to shave my head.

Nah, I'm serious. I'm gonna do it.

Go here to read all the juicy details :D

If anyone wants to donate - lemme know :D

Rats and Meeces

2007-11-04T12:39:00.000+11:00

We introduced the little boy meeces to the big girl ratlings today.

They weren't really all that interested in eachother, but it was still rather lol to watch.

Here's the funniest:

Randomly randoms

2007-11-02T19:59:00.000+11:00

Here's half a completed set of wings. Two days of stress and then finally, on the 3rd day, I had a brainstorm and figured out that feathers would actually be a good idea to use on them. Who would've known that birds were designed that way for a reason? Oh well.

I even made a video lol aren't I hilarity?

Here's me, horns'n'all looking less than pleased to be in the pic, but wearing my wings & dress - this is the costume that won me stuff at work (that I still haven't fkn received yet can you believe it?) How bloody rude! Lol oh well.. oh hey get a look at my face.. Can you tell I hate being in photos? :p

Um.. what else have I got.. OH that's right.. get a load of this.. I went to my friend Caz's house the other day, and whilst waiting for her in my driveway, I had a bit of a drama.

Yes, that's right, it could only happen to me. While I'm sitting. In a car. Quietly. I then get out of the car, lock the door (see, having my wallet stolen DID teach me something) and then go hmm.. I want to get back into my OH MAN I FUCKING LOCKED THE KEYS IN THE CAR goddamn.

My life sucks with drama i swear it does.

That's it I think.

My brain hurts ow!

So I entered a competition

2007-11-02T17:47:00.000+11:00

Triple M's Will & Lehmo are running a comp to win a brand new Holden VE Ute. Whilst I'm not a holden fan, I basically entered because I have ulterior motives.

Rule of the comp: Nominate a person of the opposite sex to win the ute.

here's my entry:

Man I want him to win that ute :D I like his shiny new car lol

Ahhh Fuck, I spoke too soon!

2007-10-26T20:14:00.000+10:00

Sometime last nite, after I got home from my very safe St. Albans walk, in the dark, to and from the shop, in the dark.. in the dark, my car ~~got broken into~~ was left unlocked and someone opened the door and let themselves in, helping themselves to my wallet and totally trashing the inside of my car.

Now, if you know my car, it's always kind of (okay, very) messy inside - but what do you expect? B leaves half of her wardrobe in there, and I spend more time in my car than I do at home I think. But man, they totally fucking trashed it. Bleh.

B and I walked out this morning to leave for school & work and I saw the car door WIDE OPEN! and what was the first thing I did? Tell B off, of course. It was the front passenger door, that's where she sits, so automatically, I assume it's her fault!

"B! Look! You left the door open all bloody night! omg my car better sta... far out B, what were you getting out of the glovebox and console? I told you that pepsi can was in the back seat why the hel.. what're you looking at me like that for?"

B's reply "It wasn't me mum I swear! I looked in the back like you told me to and then I came straight inside!"

That's when it clicked - my glovebox was totally cleaned out, everything (all my personal paperwork relating to my services for the Bus) were on the floor of the car - B never EVER opens that glovebox unless I specifically ask her to. It has nothing of interest in it, and she knows it. The console also, has nothing an 8 year old would be interested in, unless she likes playing with a pen that doesn't work and a notepad that has no paper in it (I shit you not, that's what was in my console).

See, I figure, this is what I get for gloating to Mike last night that it's safe in St. Allbums at night. This is karma's way of teaching me that boasting about how awesome I am and going "ner ner nernerner" to him about being a big yellow chookn about walking at night, was not the right fucking thing to do.

So, my day today was spent doing these things:

Ringing the ANZ - firstly to let work know I'd be late (My friend Ange answered the phone when I called and found the whole situation very lol mind you!), spoke to my supervisor Jemma and then got transferred to the Lost/Stolen department to report my Visa Debit card had been stolen.

Ringing Westpac - Cancelling my savings account card - the one my mum lost about 2 months ago when my car got a flat tyre, remember that one? Yeah, I now get another new shiny savings card.

Going to the Police department - The bank pretty much said I need a police report or some form of ID (I don't have a birth certificate on me, and I don't have a passport..damn). I spent about 1/2hr - 45 mins there this morning, talking to the Constable on duty and reporting my missing wallet. Notable happenings there - the first thing I notice as I walk in is some sort of retarded sign saying "Be a Star, Lock your car!" (if that's not what it said, it should've said that..) which basically, made me feel rather uncomfortable when I had to tell the lovely lady at the desk what a dumbass I am. She then asked me how much my wallet was worth, and I had to admit it was worth $8.50.. she kind of felt sorry for me and said "I'll write down that it's worth $10.. how much money was in there?" again, I had to admit that all I had in my wallet was 30c... what a hoot - the look she gave me was a whole "so what the hell are you doing in here wasting my time?" look but all she said was "oh well, at least you know they're not going to spend up big.." and i said "Yeah, I hope they buy a lolly with it, coz I want the bastards to suck it and choke.." she just laughed and when I added "Man.. they don't even have enough money to call someone who cares.." she nearly fell off her chair. She stopped feeling sorry for me then, we were having too much of a laugh.

So off I trot and where to next? The bank, of course. I have no wallet. I have no ID. The only way I'm going to get ID is by paying for a re-issue of my license, and the only way I'm going to be able to do that is by going to the bank.

They busted my ass for 45 minutes because I had no ID, no proof of anything, and the cop forgot to write my fucking name on the duplicate report, didn't she? Oh well... Finally, the genius on the other side of the counter said "I know, I'll ring your branch and ask them to fax a copy of your signature over.."

well fuck. Thanks for that.

$150 richer, I leave and go to Centrelink. I need a new health care card - well, an interim one until my proper one gets sent out. Why I didn't go there before the bank (Free ID from centrelink right?) I do not know, but I can tell you that I've already managed to lose the interim one - I think I accidentally threw it out... oh well, at least the new one's in the mail!

I finish up there after another 1/2 an hour of standing in line, and then head off to VicRoads. This is where I discovered that I lost my interim card. Ahhhhhhhhh fucking hell. Grr. Lucky for me I know all of my vehicle rego's over the past 10 years, and I know my license number and expiry date.

.. that is.. Usually, I know these things and can rattle them off no worries.. today? Nup, not happening. I couldn't even get my birthday right.

Again, after a whole bunch of "but you don't have any ID how do we know you're really you?" they let me have a new license. Finally! ID!! Yay!

Finishing up there, I head off to Medicare, by this time, it's nearly midday-ish and I'm so over this whole experience - especially considering the last place I wanted to return to was Medicare - it's nowhere near where I live, and I was only in there a few weeks ago ordering a new medicare card (mind you, I found the medicare card I'd lost while I was cleaning my house up the other night..but that's a whole new story..). I'd been on the road from just before 9am this morning. I was not a happy camper. I was sick of lines, I was sick of people, I was sick of telling the story over and over again.

I get into Medicare - there's NO LINES!

ahhh, someone felt my pain and let me get in with only a 2 minute wait.

I then rang work and told them that it wouldn't be worth coming in to work - coz by the time I got back into my car (I had to stop off for a latte and piece of cake to refuel dudes..) and got to work, I would've had to leave about an hour after getting there.

So, whoever it was that stole my wallet - you'd better fucking look out. I didn't go to work, your greedy appetite (hahaha you got jibbed, 30c and a whole bunch of cards you can't fucking use.. and good luck if you try identity fraud - I have the world's shittest credit rating, sucks to be you ner ner) cost me a whole day of pay. Never mind the fact that when my MUM finds out you stole the lovely $8.50 wallet she bought me a few months back, she's going to fucking KILL you.

You know what I also realised? If this all happened sometime say, between 11:30ish and 8:30am, Mike and I went to bed around midnightish.. and well, you know, we had "cuddles.." you know? Yeah, you know.. so ANYWAY.. I wonder if they heard us um.. having..um.. "cuddles.." coz like seriously, dudes, that's just fucking gross. If you, thief, sat outside my bedroom window while I was ..having "cuddles.." with my boyfriend, I'm going to hunt you down and use your nostrils as an ATM.

I need to walk more..

2007-10-25T23:43:00.000+10:00

[muppet] OKAY
[muppet] i'm going to go out and buy smokes
[muppet] BUT I'M GOING TO WALK TO THE SHOPS
[muppet] TO PROVE TO MIKE
[muppet] THAT IT'S SAFE TO WALK IN THE DARK
[muppet] IN ST ALLBUMS
[muppet] so
[muppet] if i get dead
[muppet] you can blame him coz he didn't wanna go buy me smokes :p
[muppet] :D

I'd like to say that while I was walking to and from the shop (which is just on 1km away from my house) that I was tripped over by dwarves, chased by ogres and rescued by elves, who saved me with their magical unicorns and deposited me safely on my doorstep..

but alas, my life isn't that interesting.

I walked to the shop. I walked back home. I now want to go walking at idiot o'clock in the middle of the night more often - I forgot how relaxing and quiet it is to walk in the dark. Mornings suck because you know that you get up early and have the rest of the day ahead of you, but night time rules for walking - you go for a walk, you come home all pooped, you shower and then you go to bed.

Mike's gonna have an absolute shit fit about this tho - he doesn't think it's safe around here.. gah! I'm still alive aren't I?

Growing Up..

2007-10-17T15:50:00.001+10:00

This is a story I shall tell when my darling daughter turns 21.

In the meantime, there's 13 years to wait til that happens, so you lot get to hear it now, and probably again in 13 years time too! (I'm writing this so I don't forget I want to tell this story when she grows up, you see..)

So.

As you know, I have a daughter. Her name is B. Not that that's what it says on her birth certificate, but suffice it to say, her name begins with B, I'm lazy, and I don't like putting her name up on the internet (much). For those of you that don't know B, here's B. Say hello B! (She's kind of quiet in photos.. you know how kids are) What do you mean she's pulling faces at you? My daughter's an angel. She wouldn't ever do that!

Anyway, my little girl seems to be growing up. As she stated this morning "Jeez mum, dontchu know kids grow up fast nowadays?"

Well hell child, of course I know this, but not my child. There is no "growing up fast" allowed in the same sentence that starts with "Gee, B's..."

Yesterday, I bought her an underwear set - just hear me out - keep in mind that she's 8 years old, and kids underwear is kind of boring, to say the least, and if you ask me, that's good. More underpants should be made with Astro Boy and Spiderman and My Little Pony and Barbie if you ask me.

She begged and pleaded and gave me the absolute shits until I caved in and bought this set for her.

1 pair of white cotton knickers with black piping at the top.
1 mini kids bra, complete with straps and fastenings at the back. Kind of like the one over there --->>

Yup. She has a bra. It's only a tiny little thing, but wtf? It has padding on it. I can just hear her father yelling at me as I type this and telling me what an idiot I am for buying it for her, but she wanted it, and my theory is that she'll realise how fucking awful they are to wear, how uncomfortable they can be, and she'll not want to wear a bra ever again (well, at least until she really does need one, coz she definitely doesn't need one now.)

It seems that chain of thought has backfired, because once she had the thing on (we had to do the "fasten back in front, turn correct way and flip the straps up" bra application.. think about it), and while mummy (that'd be me) was putting her "proper" bra on, little Ms was standing infront of the mirror in my bedroom admiring her new chest. "Ma, I think this bra has made my boobies grow.." is the first thing I hear her say. The next thing I hear is "Yep, they're definitely bigger, can you tell?"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I laughed and got told off for it. I told her that no, the bra didn't make her boobies grow, and the reason they look bigger is because she has padding in them, and maybe now's the time to take the bra off.

Nup, it wasn't happening. She wanted to wear that bra, and wear it she did! She stood infront of that mirror for a good 10 minutes admiring her new bra from every possible angle. I guess, I kind of know how she felt, because I was the same when I got my first bra - the only difference was I was 11 and I actually had boobs, and I wasn't at all impressed about getting this contraption and sticking it on my chest - just goes to show what a different child she is from what I was I guess.

So here's my 8 year old, sticking her chest out as far as it would go, which, to me, looked like a really good imitation of a pigeon doing a mating dance - shoulders back, head held high, chest stuck out.. all I needed was for her to start cooing and the image would've been completed. By this time, she's shooting me dirty looks and asking me what I think is so funny.. and if you think I replied with a straight face and went "nothing B don't worry.." you're absolutely right.

Who am I to tell her that she hasn't got boobs? She's 8. She knows she hasn't. She just wants to be a big girl that's all. So I let her.

We get out of the house, I drop her off at school, and where's the first place I go to tell this story to? My mum.

The hilarity. I actually thought mum was gonna cry when I told her that B was wearing a training bra! We had a good giggle at my imitation of B checking herself out in the mirror, she pretty much told me I'm awful, but I do this with no malice. I think it's gorgeous. I think it's hilarious. The two combined make for lol stories.

On my way to work a little while later, my darling mother sends me an sms:

Mum: Hey, I forgot, you think B would lend me her bra?

Now.. my mum is not of the big boobed variety. I dunno where mine came from, but obviously, wherever they're from, I took my mum's with me!.. so the obvious response?

Me: hahaha no. It's too big for you!

How are you?

2007-10-16T17:12:00.000+10:00

Well, I am AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *shakes fist* *bangs head on desk* *runs round in circles* yip yip ARRRRRRGH ARRRRRREWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ARGH GAH BAH blah blah spit kick punch hit slap omg grrrrrrrrrrrr ARGH FUCK SHIT BOTHER GO THE FUCK AWAY OMG JUST ARGHHHHHHHHHHH no not you just everyone else argh bleh bleh bleh pfffffffzzzzzzzzttttttt blehhhhhhhhhhhhh blah blech bleeh blah gah gah aaaaaaarghhhhhhh no really i do it's just ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCKING STUPID SHIT CUNT FUCKING sorry i know you dunt like the c word but FIRSTCLASSMOTHERFUCKINGSTUPIDASSFUCKING
BASTARDCUNTFUCKERSHITFORBRAINSDUMBFUCK
MONKEYTOEDBASTARDFACEFROMHELLARGH

surprisingly.. i'm not mad at anyone

just that's how i feel right now.

i need some more swears i think.. sigh.

my brain's been sore for the past three days :/

Meet the Meece!

2007-10-07T16:00:00.000+10:00

Introducing UhOh, Fizban, Tasslehoff and Bulp.

I sat there yesterday morning, watching these guys play and generally act like.. well.. baby mice.. and i laughed so much..I spose small things really DO amuse small minds, and these guys are probably the smallest things to amuse me in a while :D

They're 5 1/2 weeks old, and tamer than your kitten - fully hand reared and trained. They're still a bit unsure of us, and still go scooting off whenever we get too close, but they eventually settle down and will come to you and curl up and sleep on your hand. They're absolutely TINY - smaller than a spanish olive!

Some videos

2007-10-07T14:55:00.000+10:00

So B's last day of term had her dressing up as a LadyBug..

[More videos from muppy]

Oh and, here's the FunCity Gokarts documentary I keep forgetting to upload whoops :D

[More videos from muppy]

Ehehe as you can see, I had lots of fun!

Oh, we have new pets - 4 mice.. all boys. I named them UhOh, Fizban, Tasslehoff and Bulp. They WERE going to be named UhOh, Frodo, Merri and Pippin but yeah I changed my mind :D

And I'm allowed to do that, so ner.

This has gotta be one of the laziest blogs i've ever blogged!

I hate puters

2007-10-02T21:47:00.000+10:00

So, I've been turned into the local computer fixit person and my kitchen currently looks like someone threw a handgrenade in a PC store and it exploded parts all over my house.

I fixed my friend Ann's pc last week - that was fun. Crazy ass piece of crap wouldn't even boot up. We (the EvilMe part of we and me) ended up getting it working, wiped the hard drive and reformatted the puter. Problemo Solved. Only took us 3 days to get our asses into gear and get it done, but that's only coz it was being retarded.

Anyway, so Caz asks me to have a look at her pc.

"It was working... and then it wasn't" was what she told me.

Well, usually that's a simple problem to fix, it means the power supply has blown up, easy peasy we have 10 of them at home, problem solved.

Yeah, it's never that easy. All of the power supplies that we had were older than dirt (and covered in about 40 different layers of dust that a geologist would've loved to identify the different ages they originated from.. yeah that's how old they were.. I think one of them was owned by some god, and another one was owned by a dinosaur.. anyways..)

We ended up having to stop being tightasses and go out and buy a power supply.. plugged it in.. problem solved.

While we were there EvilMe gave me puppy dog eyes. You know what I'm talking about. The ones that say "please can I have the treat now please?" He wanted a new graphics card. Sigh. I said to Thuy (that's Toy to you) the guy that works at the store "He's not allowed to talk you into selling him a new graphics card.." and that was the end of that.

So I thought!

We get into the car and stupid me says "You know, there was nothing stopping you from asking about cards.."

$270 later, we walk out of the computer store (again) and he has a shiny new card.

I'm such a sucker.

We get home, I put the power supply into Caz's box (hahah doesn't that kinda sound dirty?) and boot up the puter. Joy!

EvilMe brings his out, I install his GFX card - mind you, the whole time I'm doing it, I'm shitting bricks coz his PC is worth two of my car. Gah. No pressure though. Much. Card goes in, time to plug the power into the card, wtf? THERE'S NO PLUG FOR THE CARD!!!!

Back to the puter store and buy an adaptor to plug into the card & power supply.

I finish installing it, close the case and say "hey, do you think there might have been an adaptor in the box with the card?"

Yeah. There was. We're retards. Oh well, save it for next time.

So off he goes, happy coz he has a new card, then I hear some swearing and carrying on while he tries to get his monitors working and whatever, and meanwhile, I'm a busy little bumblebee in the kitchen giving my box an overhaul.

I stick in an Ethernet card - coz one day I might want to steal games/music/porn off EvilMe's puter, you know? and more USB ports. I cannot have enough USB ports in my pc. I think there's like 12 of them now.

Then I try to stick EvilMe's old GFX card into my box.. stupid card. It's worth as much as my car BUT IT WON'T FIT IN THE SLOT! gahhhhhhhhhhhh oh well.

Did I mention I had to unplug 2 of my 3 hard drives to plug this stupid thing in because I didn't have enough powerpoint thingy's from my power supply?

Oh well. Back in go the hard drives, and on goes the case and I leave EvilMe (who's rather happy by this time coz he has his puter working and looking very pretty too might I add?) with the instructions to plug my box in and get it back online before I get back from delivering Caz's box to her, plskthxbai!

The box gets dropped off, I hang around for a while harassing her kids and pissing her husband off, and then I come home.

Into the puter room I walk, that's always the first port of call you see, and what do I see but a giant error message on my monitor.

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. I fix everyone elses shit, and screw the fuck out of my own? Goddamn where's the justice in this world?

By this time, I've cracked the sads a bit and B rings me to let me know she's having Turkish Delight IceCream for dessert at 8:30pm, so I nearly have a spaz attack - omg she's gonna end up so spoilt by the time she gets home from her Nanny's house! *dies*

I get off the phone with B and I take my pc back into the kitchen where I pull it apart, look into it, start pulling out the harddrives to see what's wrong and then I find the problem. I nearly die of stupid when I realise what I've done and why it wouldn't boot up properly. Then, I absolutely laughed my ass off when I realise what an idiot I am, and THEN, I tell EvilMe to stfu coz I know he's going to give me shit.

Are you ready for why my pc wouldn't work?

Are you sure you can handle the truth of how absolutely fucking idiotic I really am?

ARE YOU READY?

Okay, I guess you are.. here goes..

I forgot to plug them in.

They had no power going to them.

They weren't plugged into the motherboard, therefore the motherboard couldn't find them, therefore the motherboard thought there were no harddrives in the box.

all because..

I. Forgot. To. Plug. Them. In.

:die:

Oh drama my llama

2007-09-27T22:17:00.000+10:00

So I have a new favorite pair of pants and they kind of look like the pair to the left.

That's me modelling them just incase you were wondering.

No really, it's me.

Oh get lost, fine, I stole the picture from a site on the internet and that's not really me - but at least one thing's true, my pants look like that. And hell, but they're comfy!!

So anyway, my comfy pants are my work pants, so of course, I wear them to work. (Actually, they're that comfy that even tho I sleep naked I'd probably wear them to bed.. Sucks to be EvilMe lol) anyhooz..

Everywhere I go, drama follows.

I had one crazy ass lady on the phone today driving me nuts. In the end I wasn't even looking at my computer I was just repeating the same shit, over and over and over again. Yeah it's good that she wants to make sure that she understands what's going on with her Credit Card, but FOR FUCKS SAKE WOMAN! One hour on the phone and I was ready to commit suicide and hang myself with my computer cables.

Okay, so you're wondering what this has to do with my pants.

It has lots to do with my pants.

See, when I'm bored, or frustrated, I fidget. I'm like an ADHD kid who hasn't had their ritalin for a week. Yeah, I'm pretty bad. Don't ever take me to the movies.. oh, back on track - So I fidget. I stood up, I pulled faces at people, I sat down. I mimed hanging myself with my headset curly cord to the amusement of the guy sitting next to me, I made puppet shows with my hands and had them talking to eachother, eventually turning them into a Punch 'n Judy festival of epic proportions, and all the while, inbetween idiocies, I played with the waist tie (it's not really a belt is it? i mean, it's sewn to the pants and all) on my pants.

Eventually, crazy lady who had to know the ins and outs of a ducks ass, hung up. I noted her account, I asked my Team Leader if I could go downstairs for a quick smoke coz crazy lady did my head in, and off I went.

My pants were feeling kind of loose, so I undid the waist tie and tightened it up.

I love these pants. Did I mention this?

Anyway, smoke's finished, back upstairs I go. I sit down..

CRAP!!

I tightened my pants too much didn't I? So what do you think happened? That's right! As soon as I sat down, the sewing at the end of the tie came undone and yeah, I have nothing to hold my pants up with nomore.

I stand up, holding the waist of my pants and ask one of the girls if she has a safety pin.. unfortunately she doesn't.. LUCKILY she does have a little sewing kit. Sweet! Now, I have to figure out how the hell I'm going to sew my pantaloons back together and answer phones. I figure it can't be done, so I wonder how am I going to hold my pants together so I can walk to the toilets to take my pants off and sew them back together.

I have a pass to get into the building don't I?

That pass has an alligator clip type thing that holds onto my clothes.

Sweet.

I pin my pants together with my pass, go to my supervisor and say "I'm going to take another break, I'm really sorry, but my pants are about to fall off"

He looks at me with that "i don't really want to know" look that people give you.. you know, the look they give you when you have a booger stuck to the side of your nose coz even though you blew your nose, you wiped to the side and the booger got stuck? Yeah, that's the look he gave me.

I went into the toilets, sewed the tie back on, and went back to my desk to many lols from my co-workers. Oh well, all in a day's work. Drama averted.

Then.

The crazy lady rang back.

Crap!

2007-09-24T00:11:00.000+10:00

It was Caz's Daughter's 13th birthday yesterday. What should've just been something simple, you know, go to party, eat food, talk shit, come home? Turned into huge ass drama - BUT not actually at the party!

While I was at my friend's house talking shit at her dining room table, EvilMe was having a spaz attack of worry coz I'd gone out, stayed out late, and didn't take my phone. Apparently, every single most horrible omg scenarios were going thru his head and he stressed out.

I completely and utterly lost track of the time, the first time I looked at the clock, it was 8:30pm, the next time I looked at it, it was 2am.

My first comment to Caz was "Holy shit, it's 2am, I'm surprised Mike hasn't called.." Then I looked at her, with what must've been a really strange look on my face and she asked what was wrong - "I left my phone at home. The battery was flat. Shit dude I gotta go home!"

30 seconds later, I'm walking out the door and her home phone rings. We all wonder who's calling at 2am. Turns out, it's my darling other half.

Caz answers the phone..

"I'm looking for Tanja..is she there?" Mike asks (or, well, that's what I guess he asked..) "Yeah she is, we've been talking shit all night, I'll just go get her for you!" Caz replies.

Then.

Because he loves me.

He says "no. Tell her to go fuck herself." and hangs up the phone.

The look of absolute complete and utter shock on Caz's face was undisputably (I think I just made up a new word) hilarity.

So I asked her what he said and she told me.

I went "aww, see! He loves me!" and didn't think anything of it.

B gets into the car, I drive home, B gets into bed and MIKE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.

Where I thought he was fucking around and being a smartass, he was completely and utterly in the absolute shits with me.

He wouldn't look at me, wouldn't talk to me.

So, I cracked it didn't I? I never go out, why's he in the shits?

It turns out that whilst he was having drama llama moments at home, he'd called my little brother (at 1am) and woken him and his pregnant wife up. In turn, they'd called my dad and woken my mum up. Then, while that was happening, it seems that he called THE FUCKING POLICE.

Holy shit.

Y'know, it's nice to be loved, and it's awesome that he worries, but WTF? THE POLICE?

Actually, that's the least of my problems, but I'll get to that in a sec.

So we have a mini dispute (we don't argue, see?) and my first smartass remark, after he said "You didn't tell me you were going to be out THIS late.." was "well SHIT. I'm sorry. I didn't know that I had a curfew!" and I totally and utterly cracked the shits. Here's me, gearing up for a "yeah well fuck you too" type of argument and he shuts me right up with "don't start that, I was worried, I called your brother.."

man.

Just.. omg. You don't call my brother! He cracks it if you even SNEEZE and wake him up.

Basically, this is the chain of events that happened (I'm getting tired, I have to get up in the morning for work.. I'm lazyblogging from here)

- I have fun at the party and lose track of the time.
- Mike freaks out coz he hasn't heard from me.
- Mike calls my brother's place, they wake up, Brother dear cracks shits, Sis In Law has a fit of pregnant hormones attack.
- Brother calls Father, father freaks out, wakes up mother.
- Mother cracks shits, coz mother has to get up at 4am for work. Mother tells Father to tell Brother that I'm at Caz's house.
- Brother says "What type of kids party goes til 2am?", cracks shits and calls Mike back.
- Meanwhile, Mike is calling Police to find out if there were any calls regarding car accidents in and around the western suburbs. Police must've said no.
- Brother calls Mike, tells Mike I'm at Caz's, Mike looks for Caz's phone number.
- Mike rings Caz, Mike tells her to tell me to go fuck myself, Mike hangs up phone.
- I go home, I crack shits, I go sit in loungeroom in the dark, coz that's what I do when I'm shitty.
- Dad rings my house, Mike misses phone, Dad worries.
- Dad rings Brother's house. Dad wakes up Brother. Brother cracks shits at Dad. Dad cracks shits at Brother. Both crack shits at me.
- Brother rings here, finds out I'm home safe, cracks shits some more, hangs up and goes to bed.

So now, Mike's gotten over being in the shits with me coz he's realised that I didn't do all of this on purpose and it seriously was an innocent mistake on my part.

I ring Brother this morning. Brother lectures me about what a fucking hopeless mother I am because I was out til 2am galavanting around the city. His wife's been woken up, she's pregnant, how can I be so inconsiderate yadda dadda doo.

I crack shits some more. I was only ringing to apologise for him being woken up and to let him know that I'm okay. I eventually hang up.

I ring Father. Father lectures me about being more responsible. Father tells me that I should be more considerate. Father tells me off coz Mother got woken up. I tell Father to go jump on his head, I hang up.

So now, that's Brother and Father in the shits with me, as well as eachother. Sister In Law, I haven't spoken to, but she's in the shits with me too, which is pretty much what Brother said in no uncertain terms.

Then Mother rings me up. The first thing I say to her is "If you're going to fucking yell at me, you can just hang up right now!"

Instead, Mother laughs her ass off at me. "Seriously Tanja, if anyone's gonna screw everyone up in the space of half an hour, it'd have to be you. I dunno how you manage it, but you go out once every six months, and guaranteed, some sort of super drama will follow you around."

I told her she was a bitch for taking so much pleasure out of this and her response was "Well, at least they'll stop whingeing at me for once".

She then called me a smartass coz I told her to shut up and then mooed down the phone at her. Oh come on, don't tell me YOU wouldn't do it too.

Oh and, you know what Mike asked me this morning? "Are they shitty with me for waking them up?"

When I told him that no, they're not shitty at him, they're shitty at me, he said "Good!" and walked off happy as Larry.

Hold it. This all happened because HE FORGOT WHERE I WENT. I told him six times yesterday where I was going. SIX TIMES. But in one ear and out the other. And now, coz he forgot, I'm the one that's in trouble.

Where's the fucking justice in this world? Argh!

I have plans to go out next Friday.

I think, maybe, I should stay home instead.

I suck at being a girl

2007-09-19T21:22:00.001+10:00

Today I learnt about beauty treatments. Well, sort of.

I bought some of those biopore strips or whatever the hell they're called. You know, those things you stick on your nose when your nose is wet and then wait til they dry and rip them off so you have pretty pores or something? Yeah - those things (I was bored, I wanted to know what my nose would feel like after using the pore stripper thingamy.. it feels smooth if you wanted to know)

Anyway - today I learnt two things

1. Ripping these things off your nose hurts like a fucker if you leave it on for more than the recommended 10-15 minutes

and

2. Remove your nose ring before applying nose pore ripper outerer thing. Otherwise, when you pull the strip off, not only will it hurt like a fucker coz it's ripping your nose off, it also stings like a bugger when the nose ring rips out of the hole too.

Yeah, I fail at being a girl :(

muppet's BIG adventure!

2007-09-18T20:05:00.000+10:00

Finally! The Slideshow is finished. I cannot be bothered to write any more. I think the pics explain themselves!

I r having a midlife crisis!

2007-09-10T21:57:00.000+10:00

So.

Last week I turned 31.

This week I decided I wanted to start my midlife crisis.

It all started on Saturday. I was sitting at work, bored shitless and wondering wtf I can do to entertain myself and I thought "I know! I'll dye my hair!" Coz - well - usually, I dye my hair when my sex life sucks or I'm feeling a bit shitty with myself.

My sex life is fine, thanks for asking.

So anyway.. I start making plans. Must find a hairdresser, must get quotes, must shop around. I did all that, and do you know what? I couldn't find a SINGLE fucking hairdresser who was available (so what if it was at short notice - ie: I finished work at 4, I wanted an appointment for between 4:45 and 5pm). I rang my cousin - she had a hens night and a birthday girls hair to do. I rang my usual hairdresser - she said "oh Tanja it's velly short notice but okay I do hairs for you whatchu wanna haf?" So I explained - a full head of foils, purple over the foils and black inbetween. She was perfectly fine with it all til I said I wanted black. "NO! ABSORUTERY NOT! I DON' DO BRACK DYE BAD RUCK I NO DO BRACK! VELLY VELLY BAD RUCK!" Fucking superstitious grrrrrrrrrrrr.

So I gave up on the idea of professional hair and decided I'd do it myself.

That, my friends, is a fucking disaster waiting to happen.

Common sense got the better of me, as did laziness when I woke up at 11am yesterday morning and thought "Fuck this I need to find a hairdresser!" so after a bit of shopping around and about 10 phonecalls, I found one that said he'd do my hair for me.

Awesome.

By the time all the foils were put into my hair, I was ready for a smoke (it took over an hour, give me a break!) so off I trot outside of the hairdressers, out of the shopping centre (did I mention I had a head full of foil?) and out the double doors. I stand RIGHT UNDER the camera whilst I have my smoke looking like an absolute nightmare with a hairdressers cape blowing in the wind and foil on my head!

I finish off, go back inside, sit around and then get the best head massage in the world. Omg bliss. Then it's time for the purple. Oh man. I love my hair so much.

We get the purple on and the hairdresser asks if I want to go for another smoke, I say sure, and out I trot again, happy as a clam, with purple hair flapping in the wind.

Then I hear "holy fuck what have you done to your head?"

I swear I can't go anywhere in this suburb without being seen by my friends. Not that I mind, but for once I'd like to do something and NOT get busted!

3 hours later, I'm $145 poorer, and a whole lot of hair shorter, but fuck my hair looks hot.

My mum's retarded..

2007-08-16T20:49:00.000+10:00

I know I've probably said that before, but this proves it.

She bought B a pair of runners yesterday.

They kind of looked like this, but well, they weren't nike, and they weren't this cool. But, they looked similar, only they would've been about 1/9th of the price, and looked it.

Anyway.

So she got B to try the shoes on, they fit, B didn't complain. So they brought them home.

This morning, little miss B was all excited "Mummy can I wear my new runners to school today?"

So of course, I said yes. She's almost out of her old ones anyway, and I wanted her to wear her runners in before she goes to her dad's this weekend.

She gets dressed, puts her runners on and comes in to the bathroom where I'm getting ready for work looking a little sad.

me: (brushing teeth) What's wrong?
B: They don't fit properly
me: (spitting toothpaste into sink..) what do you mean they don't fit properly?
B: They feel funny
me: (gargling) Thas coz they new lurbleurble
B: No, one is bigger than the other one
me: (choking on gargles) what? Didn't nanna check the sizes?
B: They're both size 4
me: (finally looking at B's feet) ...
B: what?
me: They're both right shoes
B: No they're not, there's something wrong with them!
me: No B, they're both the same side shoe - they're both for your right foot!

Yeah, I had to go back to Big W today and explain to the lady at the counter that I would like to return the shoes because my daughter has a right and a left foot, not two right feet.

Needless to say, she laughed for a good 5 minutes straight, finally composed herself, then laughed some more.

Next time my mum does something retarded, SHE can go explain the stupid.

Oh and, each time I go to exchange ONE thing, it ends up a shopping spree - this $20 pair of shoes ended up with me wandering around the store and purchasing over $200 worth of clothes, as well as another 2 pairs of runners. All for B.

One day, I'll go buy myself some clothes I swear.

I made bang!

2007-08-09T16:35:00.000+10:00

B turned 8 yesterday - it was so crazy here that I didn't get to make my annual "wish B a happy birthday RIGHT NOW KTHXBAI!" post like I normally will.

This is coz my oven did do a boom!

Yup. It did go KABLOOEY!

I was babysitting my friend's kids and they were off in the lounge playing with B while I was making the cake (chocolate cake mmmmm). I mixed the batter, poured it into the cake tin, turned to open the oven door and thought "wtf? why's it so dark in there.. hey is that smoke?" and before I could even blink, there was a loud bang, and the oven door flew open.

My ninja reflexes kicked in and I kicked the door shut again, but not before the bottom of the oven caught fire. Thanks to my ninja quick reflexes though, the fire was smothered and went out almost immediately.

I yelled to the kids to get out of the house and grab a ratling each on their way out, and to wait in the back yard whilst I saved our kitchen. Goddamn stupid oven. This is the NEW oven that was just installed recently too!

My house was absolutely filled with smoke. I managed to close the centre door so the smoke wouldn't spread thru the whole house and set off the smoke detector (Hey, I was standing right infront of the oven when it went kablam, I knew there was smoke, I didn't need the alarm to tell me this) and opened up every window and door around the front and side of the house, then turned our airconditioner (oh boy wasn't EvilMe happy when he came home to find the aircon on in the middle of winter) up high.

I called my mum after all the smoke had cleared

me: Ma, I need you to buy a cake..
mum: Why? Did you burn the one you were cooking? *snicker*
me: Nah, I fucking blew up the oven
mum: Hahahah no way, really?
me: Yeah, shutup, just buy a cake okay?
mum: wait, what? You're serious?
me: YES omg just buy a cake please??!
mum: didju call the fire brigade?
me: NO! OMG! JUST BUY CAKE PLEASE!!!
mum: shit, no need to lose your temper!

So, for the rest of the evening, this stupid cake mix in a tin kept snickering at me from behind it's gladwrapped top.

Mum took it home with her and she baked it.

Hey, if she didn't, I would've been eating cake batter for breakfast, I don't care :p

roflbrothel!

2007-08-06T22:05:00.000+10:00

Click for biglol!

Please, sit. Coz you're gonna pass out otherwise..

2007-08-05T13:16:00.000+10:00

Okay so, I have a new project.

Okay, B's bed stuff is finished, I just need to buy the cushion inserts and pillows for her bedroom and then I can take pics of the completely finished product. She's not getting neckrolls, I cant be bothered trying to figure out how to turn squares into circles (yes, you can read that as "muppet is being lazy"..)

so anyway.. EvilMe wants a dressing gown.

Requirements:

Must be long.
Must be black.
Must have a large hood to cover his big boof head.

So I went to my trusty local Lincraft store looking for patterns. It took me nearly an hour of searching through all of those stupid pattern books to find what I wanted, and hey guess what? The last book I looked in is the book that had the pattern I need. Figures, doesn't it?

Okay so here's the pattern:

So, what do you notice about the picture on the front of the pattern envelope?

Two kids right?

Yeah. My boyfriend fits into a size 14 kids.

God I hate him sometimes.

So I'm making the robe the girl is wearing. And now, I'm having a fit. I cut the pattern pieces no worries, and then I read the instructions.

No wonder I failed sewing at school! It's not that it's hard, it's just that its.. well.. hard-ish.

WHY DO YOU PEOPLE LET ME GET MYSELF INTO TROUBLE LIKE THIS? WHY? WHY? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????!!!!!!

2007-07-27T22:56:00.000+10:00

muppet says:
you comin tomorrow or what?
Jay says:
yeah yeah i'll be there
muppet says:
lol yay
Jay says:
7.30 yeah
muppet says:
yup
Jay says:
need me to bring anything?
muppet says:
coke if you want
but i got 8 bottles lol
otherwise no i have food okay
and i prob gonna go buy more tomorrow
Jay says:
lol so i should get coke
muppet says:
probably lol
i bought chips
i bought bikkies
i bough um
food
party pies, sausage rolls, vol au vents, mini dim sims, mini spring rolls, chicken nuggets, cocktail franks in puff pastry..
then i got the platters
and tomorrow i gonna go buy sweets
n probably fruit too
and make a fruit platter
Jay says:
omg dude i fink u gots plenty
muppet says:
am i forgetting anything dude?
it's gotta be good coz mike's family and mine are meeting for THE FIST TIME
SO IF THEY HATE EACHOTHER
AT LEAST THEY GONNA LIKE THE FOOD

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

2007-07-20T20:12:00.000+10:00

This all happened between 9:30am and 11:30am this morning -

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

I woke up early and found my boyfriend sleeping in another room. My coughing at night has made him temporarily move out.

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

B wouldn't listen, and even though we were up early, I dropped her off at school 5 minutes late, only to be greeted at the gates by a grumpy school principal shaking his head and tapping his watch at me.

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

I headed off to work, and the traffic was shit from the get go..

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

I got to the westgate fwy, and 200m before the bridge, my driver's side tyre blew out, causing me to ALMOST lose control of my car..

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

.. did I mention I was driving between two semi trailers?

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

I pulled over to the side of the road, opened the boot and checked the spare tyre. That was okay.

But I didn't have the dooverwhacker that takes the nuts off the wheels.

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

I rang my friend Jim to see if he could come help..

me: hey where are you?
him: I broke down just before the bridge..
me: wtf? I have a flat tyre, I'm at the bridge too!
him: no, I'm coming OUT of the city.. you must be going in..
me: well I guess that means you can't help me come change my tyre then..
him: nup, I'm waiting for a tow truck.

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

I rang my friend Caz, she was on her way out, and then I rang mum, but she was in bed. She got mad at me for waking her up, and then yelled at me when I told her what happened coz now she was worried coz I was stuck on the bridge in peak hour traffic.

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

I decided that today was the day I was going to join the RACV, so I rang them and asked about roadside assist.

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

They told me that it was going to cost $182, and that they'd have to tow my car to a safer place. There goes my free tow for a later date.

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

My mum turned up, I gave her my keycard. I gave her my PIN. I said "please go withdraw $200 for me" and she did.

Then she lost my card.

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

I rang the bank and asked them to cancel my card. They said that's okay and then they noticed my card expired today. Wow. They asked if I already had a new card and I said no.

It's going to take 2 weeks to get a new card.

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

The tow truck showed up, the guy towed my car. He moved it to a safer spot, right in the middle of a giant muddy puddle. The RACV guy turned up, he took my money & changed my tyre, and then he drove off.

I left to go to work.

My car got bogged in the mud.

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

I unbogged the car, I got covered in mud, but I STILL had to go to work. I work in a bank remember?

I wish I'd stayed in bed today..

I'm making a hug

2007-07-12T18:01:00.000+10:00

.. well, I'm actually making a teddy bear to send to my friend and3w from zGeek because I can't go to crazy places where he's at and give him a hug myself.

So far, I've only made the head.

It's kind of demented, I don't have a pattern - this is all from my own head. I'm kind of scared now!

Random Ramblings

2007-07-10T15:54:00.001+10:00

OMG IT'S COLD in the mornings.. no really.. it's COLD

and this is coming from me, who doesn't EVER feel the cold

I went to work the other morning and my windscreen wipers were frozen to my window.

I'M SERIOUS!

I turned them on, and I heard a whirrrrrr and a creak, but no dice, the blades were stuck. Yes, I know that if I poured cold water etc etc it would've helped.. but you know me, I'm more likely to lick the windscreen to see if my tongue really WILL stick to the ice, than to think that I should be doing something smart like, melting the ice for instance..

That's the view from inside my car - you can just make out the shape of my porch thingy whatever the hell it's called... You know.. the bit that overhangs the front door and has a step under it? That's a porch yeah?

Either way.. That's the view from inside.. and now for the view from outside.. see all that shavingy type stuff?? THAT'S ICE.

MOTHERFUCKIN' ICE ON MY MOTHERFUCKIN' WINDSCREEN! I'm sorry, I was just having a Samuel L Jackson moment. I'm calm now.

Oh and, I forgot to tell you all about B's "funny hair" day. I made her a wig out of the same stuff I'm making her doona/pillows out of, she looked SO fucking cool too. Shame the teachers didn't pay more attention. Bastards. They shoulda given her at least a "well done for trying" prize or something. Personally, I think she looked gorgeous, but they gave the prize to some other kid with gel in his hair who just so happened to look like Bart Simpson. Seriously. Where's points for creativity? Bah. People are so stupid sometimes.

Also, I have a question.

You know how you park your car in carparks yeah, and they have little signs near the elevator doors saying what floor your on... right?

Why do they have the level names/numbers in braille?

Seriously, what blind person would find themselves inside a multi level carpark? I mean, unless they're teaching seeing eye dogs to drive nowadays, I seriously don't see the point behind braille in carparks. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's a bad thing, I just. don't. Fucking. Get. IT!

Oh hey, I found my sig's AND my smileys! HOW fucking cool am I? Yeah. I'm cool. I know it. Ahuh. So cool.

Okay I'll shut up now. Put your rotten fruit away, there's nothing to see here! *runs*

Pillowcase!

2007-07-06T16:45:00.000+10:00

I made B's pillowcase today :)

I fucking hate working back

2007-07-05T18:50:00.000+10:00

Seriously, Peak hour traffic, rain & trucks has gotta be the most fucking awful combination of ANYTHING in the world.

You know how the weather seems to be attempting to end the drought IN ONE WHOLE FUCKING DAY right? I learnt today that if you're sitting in your car with the window down because you're enjoying a cigarette, whilst stationary in a puddle about 5 inches deep on the freeway.. that you should wear a fucking raincoat in your car.

Why?

Because even tho the lane you're in is at a standstill coz Heckyl and Jeckyll at the head of the queue have decided that they're going to fall asleep at the lights, doesn't mean that the other 3 lanes beside you are going to not move.

At a fairly decent speed.

So much so that when a great big semi trailer cruises thru the puddle you've pretty much parked your car in for the past 10 minutes because no one knows what the hell a fucking accelerator pedal is for, splashes about 15 litres of water into the drivers side window of your car and all over you, you have no one to blame for this but yourself.

And the cigarette companies.

Coz if it weren't for them, you wouldn't have had your fucking window down in the first place.

I done did do a learn!

2007-07-03T21:52:00.000+10:00

As we grow and develop, we learn many new things. How to walk, talk, feed ourselves, how to run, jump, hop and skip, and not fall flat on our heads (okay, some of us learnt this, I'm still learning this)

The past fortnight has been a learning experience for me. There's been lots of new things learnt, but these are the most important lessons I have been able to be a part of recently -

Things that I have learnt: (in no particular order)

When you grab your partners HOUSE keys instead of your own, and then stand on the doorstep for 10 minutes knocking to be let back in, finally give up and then call him on his mobile to let you in the house, expect him to laugh his ass off when you say to him "I grabbed your housekeys instead of mine, can you please let me.. nevermind, I have your housekeys, I can let myself in"
Colombian Drug Lords are not talking about washing their wallets when they discuss laundering money. Your partner won't be happy when you do this exact same thing to his wallet (we're very lucky our money is made of plastic now) and then make bad money laundering jokes, especially after you've just washed his new weekly train ticket in the super wash cycle.
It's not funny (even though you kind of think it is) when you find out during parent teacher interviews that your daughter's teacher had to move the entire class out of the classroom and to the gym, leaving your daughter in the room by herself, to complete their lesson because your child wouldn't leave the room for time out. You still have to punish her.
Shortcuts are not real, especially during peak hour traffic. The emergency lane is NOT the place to try and sneak past traffic, especially when one of the cars in the outermost lane is a police car and happens to see you cruise by them at a cool 60kms an hour and chases you down. Even though you don't get a fine, you get into a lot of trouble and get a stern talking to. Mr Policeman does NOT believe that you ended up in that lane because you pulled over earlier to talk on your phone. They know this isn't true because you were three cars behind them when you pulled out into the emergency lane. Also, the excuse that "But School Holiday Program charges $1 a minute for each minute you're late after 6:30pm" at 4:50pm is not an acceptable excuse.

I R BORED

2007-06-24T15:18:00.000+10:00

This looks like a job for the..

2007-06-23T20:16:00.000+10:00

.. hahah nah no drama llama today.. much!

I'm using mum's sewing machine, and to be honest, I hadn't even looked at it until I took the cover off this morning to start sewing.

This thing.

Holy shit it's old.

But SO easy to use.

So, I unpack the sewing machine, plug the pedal into the back and then start swearing. It doesn't take me long to start swearing, have you ever noticed this? Anyway, why was I swearing? Well, I'll tell you. It's because the power cord was too short to plug into the wall. Grr. I have no extension cords do I? Grr! So, I sat down and had a smoke and a think and then I remembered I do have an extension cord! I trot off to the garage and bring it in. It's kind of really long. It's like.. Extension cord overkill. This is the cord I use for my lawnmower people.

See? It's HUGE! Oh hey, don't mind the mess. I haven't done any housework this week. My place is trashed. Oh well.

After 1/2 an hour of pulling knobs and twisting things, I kind of figured out what I'm doing (I'm a bit slow in the morning, shutup!) I was smart enough to grab a scrap piece of material and fiddle with knobs so I could figure out which stitches I needed (So far though, I've only used straight stitch! I'm not brave enough to experiment with zig zag! That's for later!)

I start off small, sewing my single rows of squares together without any mishaps. I get through three rows and then stop for a smoke (this sewing thing is hard work okay?) Start again, and finish all 7 rows. Woot! I am awesome I tells ya! Then it's time to start sewing the rows together. I decide I'm going to pin one row at a time and sew that way, just coz, well, it sounds like a good idea.

This is where I realise that my squares are more like rectangles and not everything lines up the way I thought it was going to. I start to stress, but thanks to the internet, and some really great friends, I calm down.

me:hey
me: does it matter if your patchwork doesnt line up when you're sewing the squares together?
me: coz.. none of my squares do
me: :retard:
elise: haha muppet
elise: freeform patchwork has just been invented

So, there's three rows all sewn together. The squares don't quite match, but hey, that's okay. I've invented a type of patchwork that's never been tried before! Freeform patchwork!

Also, when I asked about it on zgeek, I received a response from Kiki which sounded even more plausible:

umm asymmetry is far more interesting upon the eye...Hundertwasser the artist/architect built apartment blocks in low class areas and focused on a child's eye level...he said children need no straight lines it detracted from creativity...

Yeah, that sounds plausible. The buildings are also awesome. See? It's not broken nor does it look stupid, it's a new artform!

Okay, so I get over my hysterics (because, I was in hysterics when I realised that I had SQUARE RECTANGLES.. or is it rectangular squares? I dunno..) and go back to sewing.

Sewing is hard work. Unfortunately, I don't have a picture for the next thing I'm going to tell you, and I really wish that I did, because it's kind of lol.

I stop sewing, and figure it's time for another smoke (I smoke a lot, I know I should quit) and I reach up to scratch my head. Wtf? The blanket came with my arm. I investigate what's going on, thinking that maybe my sleeve is caught on some of the pins.

Lo and behold, I've managed to sew the forearm of my jumper into the seam of the blanket. This was my last row. Seven rows without major incident, that's pretty good.. for me!

Sigh. I can't do anything without a stupid thing happening. I had to strip off and unpick the row, and re sew it.

Be proud of me, I have managed to get thru all of today without having a nervous breakdown. I ALSO managed to finish (basically, not completely) the whole blanket. All 7 rows are sewn together, and I've even got the black borders around the edges. Yay! I just need to tidy up the back, trim the extras and I'm probably going to zigzag the edges again just to be on the safe side. The last thing I need is for this blanket to fall apart.

And here's the finished product! It covers the couch, and it covers me! And it's warm. So warm. So very very warm. I want one for myself. Seriously. Can I have one too please mum??!

So.. I'm making a quilt

2007-06-21T23:07:00.000+10:00

Day 1:

I sit down to start cutting squares the other night. I have material. Miles and miles of different material. I have scissors. I have pins.

I have NO FUCKING MEASURING TAPE!

WTF? No one told me I needed one! So I hunt around the house. WTF? No ruler either? *dies*

I'm already at the point where I'm about to say "fuck this, I'm just going to cut giant rectangles and say they're different coloured blankets" but no. I won't let a minor thing like NOT HAVING ANYTHING TO MEASURE SQUARES WITH stop me from making my squares!

I wander into my study (heheh I have a study now lol) and I scratch my head. EvilMe is staring at me like I have two heads, but that's normal, I usually just wander into the study (heheh did I tell you I have a study now? lol) stare and wander back out. I'm weird like that. I go in for a reason and forget wtf it was, but anyway I'm getting sidetracked. So. I wander into the study, scratch my head, EvilMe stares and then goes back to playing his game, and I grab three pieces of A4 paper.

I wander back into my kitchen and pull out my trusty stickytape and stick my 3 sheets together and hey, whaddya know? I have a square!

So maybe the square's not the size I wanted. That's okay. I have plenty of material, I'll just cut more squares than I originally planned.

I start pinning the paper to the material. Holy crap, did you know that A4 paper kind of sucks as a template? Especially 3 sheets stuck together? Yeah. It does. Sigh, oh well, it's square, that's all that matters right? Right. I cut and cut and cut and cut and woohoo! I make my first two squares! Yay!

Oh wait wtf? I open up the squares, shit I'm a moron, I have a rectangle. I put the square template on the fold didn't I? Yup.

So, I now have two squares. Yippee!

Then I went to bed.

Making squares is hard work dudes!

Day 2:

So tonight (Wednesday) is "Heroes" night. I figure, I can sit infront of my TV and cut squares during the ad breaks.

And this is exactly what I did.

Oh, I also piffed the paper template. I had two blue squares. I used them as templates instead. I'm a clever muppet I am! 2 blue squares placed side by side, with material folded over, gives me another 4 squares, so yay I have 6 squares now. Then I pin them all down and woohoo! I now have um.. lots of squares.

I need 25 blue squares and 24 pink ones. This is all I know. So every time I cut material, I count my squares.

Woohoo! Blue is done, time for pink. I basically pinned 1/2 of the blue squares down onto the pink and just cut. And cut. And cut and cut and cut.

Holy fucking shit there's a lot of cutting.

My scissors are blunt now. They were brand new. I bought them especially for this project. This is what happens when you buy cheap ass shit. Grr. Oh well. I'll get them sharpened or something.

They cut all my squares, so they've done their job, right?

Maybe I'll bury them in my sewing basket.

Oh wait. I don't have a sewing basket. Oh well.

Day 3

Today, I pinned all the rows together. Well, not together, but I pinned 7 squares in alternating colours, to make 7 different rows.

Um. This blanket? It's going to be huge. I kind of realised this when I first planned it out. But seriously, this thing is going to be MASSIVE. Don't forget, there's also going to be a border around all four edges of the blanket, which will be approximately half the width of one square.

See the pile on the coffee table? That's the other 6 rows. All folded and pinned neatly together to await sewing tomorrow. Yup. I plan on starting the sewing tomorrow. I kind of realised that I screwed up the cutting of the material, but oh well. If you can see, the patters sometimes run horizontally and sometimes vertically. B won't care. I do though. But it's too late to change, coz seriously dudes, I am NOT going to recut those squares! Gah!

Yeah, that's my coffee table. See how long that row is compared to the coffee table? Oh and hello mister vaccuum. You suck. Hahahah I'm a comedian I am! Anyway, the row literally goes from one armchair on the left to the other armchair on the right.

Multiply that by 7 rows wide, and hey, I have a new carpet for my loungeroom! Uh. Blanket. For my daughter. Yeah.

GAH!

2007-06-21T00:10:00.000+10:00

I'm mad at all of you!

HOW COME NO ONE TOLD ME THAT CUTTING SQUARES WAS GONNA BE SO FUCKING HARD?

grr!

I now have all the pink and all the blue squares cut out though :D

I've even been taking photos as I progress, but me being me, I'm fucking lazy so you all have to wait till I can be bothered uploading the pictures.

Ner.

I'll probably do it tomorrow though :D I'm ready to start sewing tomorrow!!

B's material!

2007-06-19T17:08:00.001+10:00

So, I bought the material for B's super bedspread thing.

I decided that cream is too likely to look dirty (coz like, it shows up dirt if you even sneeze within 40 feet of it..right?) so I bought black to put around the border, but I also figure it would bring the colors in the camo out more.

So.

I present to you, the many colours of B's doona (currently still in bags and currently still uncut!)

So, we have 4m of pink camo, 4m of blue camo and 6m of black, all polar fleece. I figure there's going to be enough left over that I can make B enough pyjamas to last til she's 45 or maybe even make evilme a big black blanket. Everything at lincraft is on sale, so I practically got the materials for half price. Divine i tells ya! With extra little bits (thread, new scissors, pins, bobbins etc) it cost me a grand total of $105.

I like it when I get paid child support :p

Our new loungeroom! (finally!)

2007-06-19T16:58:00.000+10:00

Use your imagination!

2007-06-18T22:43:00.000+10:00

B has decided that she definitely wants me to MAKE her a quilt for her birthday. This is fine. I have no problems doing this. The only problem is, she's also decided that she wants those long round cushion things (neck rolls?) as well as European style pillows (those big square things) and a throw for her bed.

No worries kid.

So now, you have to use your imagination. This is a rough idea of what she's said she wants for her quilt:

and this is roughly what she wants the pillowcases to look like:

Basically, the European cushions (if I decide to make them) will look exactly like the quilt, but a miniature version, smaller squares etc and I have NO idea what the neck roll is going to look like, we couldn't actually picture it. This is all her idea mind you. We went into Lincraft yesterday and had a wander, she's chosen two different types of camo polar fleece (blue and pink) and a plain cream polar fleece, and wants cream coloured flanelette on the back.

Oh, did I mention she has a queensize bed? Yeah. This is gonna be fun.

We worked out that 40cm camo squares in a checkerboard pattern - 5 across and 5 down, with a 15-20cm border in the cream would be nice.

She also wants a darker, handstitched, camel color around the edges of the doona and pillowcases, as well as a cream colored stitch between the squares to brighten it up and seperate the squares as a finishing touch. This kid KNOWS what she wants and she's not afraid to ask! *dies*

I shouldn't have ever let her look at those craft books!

Oh and, if you're wondering, I made the pictures in Paint.NET.. do you know that there are no decent pictures of pink or blue camo polar fleece? *sigh* The colors are off, but once I actually buy the materials I'll get pics and show you all so you have a better idea of what I'm actually using.

Ringtone yay!

2007-06-16T10:49:00.000+10:00

Ringtone has been found yay!
Click to listen

okay, now that's my phone sorted out. I have a new ringtone (thanks to DogWomble.. you may remember him as the guy who got me singing the witchdoctor song) and I have a new sms alert c/o Newsworthy.

zGeek offers lots of awesome people, and now you see why! They help me have an annoying mobile lol :)

Aye, it's dalishus!

2007-06-16T10:31:00.000+10:00

I have a new message alert for my phone

Click to listen

I found the clip on youtube last night and kept watching it over and over again, I couldn't help myself, it's just too funny.

go to the 18 second mark and look at the face this kid pulls. Holy crap I have not laughed so much in my whole entire life. Seriously. I loved this ad when I was a kid, and now it's my message alert, and.. ahh shut up I'm NOT a weirdo!

Corrugated Cardboard

2007-05-18T15:28:00.000+10:00

Okay, I'm officially insane.

We've finished putting furniture together, it looks gorgeous (but I havent taken pics yet because the house is still trashed..) and there's cardboard boxes everywhere.

Now, that's not why I'm insane.

The reason that I'm insane is because I've discovered that walking on the corrugated packing cardboard feels like walking on bubblewrap, without the noise, and feels awesome on the soles of your feet when the cardboard is on tiles.

No, seriously.. it feels REALLY REALLY GOOD.. really good.. my feet feel happy. I have happy feet!

.. I guess this is just proof that small things amuse small minds ..

Oh yeah, remind me to tell you bout my trip to the psychologist.

OMG FURNITURE!

2007-05-14T18:49:00.000+10:00

our new furniture arrives tomorrow

FINALLY omfg

This is the desk EvilMe is getting:

We're getting two of the wide bookshelves
.. but eventually I want two of the narrowest ones also (just because I want two of everything okay?)

We're getting two lamp tables:

and a coffee table to match

we chose rectangle because the square one wouldn't fit in our loungeroom :sadpanda: but it's still pretty.

Eventually, I want to get
A desk for me:

two bedside tables:

A new dining table:

but without those chairs - they look like shit and are uncomfortable as all crap.

An Entertainment Unit for our bedroom:

and finally one for the loungeroom:

I want furniture that matches, for once in my life, can you tell? :p

Random ramblings of a nutjob

2007-05-14T16:48:00.000+10:00

Blah blah blah blah blah. That's all I've heard today. The medication is fucking me over and I'm wrecked - tired but not tired, awake but still asleep. I'm starting to wonder if I'm coming or going lately! I feel happier, I think, but I know that's just the medication, yet I feel numb at the same time. It's kind of weird - I've never actually ever felt like this. I've always gone from omghappy to omgwtfkillkillkill.. never anything inbetween, it's strange, and I don't think I like it.

This weekend was interesting. I'm still not sure how I feel about it all.

I went for a blood test on Saturday morning, fun fun omg yay! (can you all spell "sarcasm" kids?) It took the doc nearly 1/2 an hour to get blood out of me. He tried my inner elbows, he tried along my arms, he even checked inbetween my knuckles (hahah I nearly typed nipples *faint* I'm such a retard) and he couldn't find a single vein. Well, he knows they're there, unless I'm some sort of Robot-muppet without veins or something. He looked at me and said "I'm going to have to use 20 years of medical knowledge to get blood out of you aren't i?" and I just smiled and said "Go for it.. but if you turn me into a pincushion, you'll know about it".. eventually, he got blood from my inner wrist.

Fuck.

It didn't hurt a bit. This guy is GOOD i tell ya.

It hurts now (yes, two days later, it's still sore) because I rest my hand on the desk when I type don't I? So I keep knocking it and making owie ow faces. I get no sympathy. Boo hoo waaaaaa waaaaaa call a whaaaaambulance I'm a big sook.

I went to dad's after that to have "THE TALK" dum da daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..

He didn't want to listen.

He acknowledged that I have a problem, and tried really hard to listen, and I give him points for just trying. But it got me nowhere. I can't talk to dad because even just talking to him makes me feel like fuckup #1.. biggest failure in the world - shit I even failed at making him listen. See what I mean? He frustrates me. I love him to bits, I'd do anything for my Dad, but OMG DAD JUST LISTEN TO ME! He's happy to help me, he wants to understand, but he just can't get his head around the whole "my daughter has to see a psychologist and she's suffering from depression" thing.

But he tried.

That's the main thing, right?

I could see him struggling, he wanted so badly to tell me to just "snap out of it" but I think he's aware now that it's not something that I can turn on and off like a light switch. I wish it was though, just so he could be happy and not worry about me. They're going to malta in a few weeks (mum and dad) and the last thing I want is for them to go away worrying about my mental health. I think mum's a bit more relaxed knowing that I'm getting the help that I need. At least, I hope she is. She seems to be.

So that was my saturday. Stressing coz getting blood out of me is like getting blood out of a stone, and then stressing because getting dad to listen is like banging my head against a wall because I want to play the drums and make a beat.

Sunday was Mother's day, and as most of you know, B wasn't home with me.

She called me at 10:30am to wish me a happy Mother's day - I was so happy about that. I really miss her when she's not home, even though she drives me nuts when she is here. Her dad did the right thing and got her to ring his mum and mine too to wish them both a happy mother's day. It made their day.

We went to mum's for lunch - there was no bloodshed! yay! No arguments with Dad, no arguments with my brothers or mum. They're trying really hard - I can see that they are, it kind of makes me sad that they feel they have to tiptoe around me, but at least I get to breathe. I'm not worrying if I'm going to say something or do something that's going to upset them. The only drama we had was when I fought with mum over the soup ladle. Crazy old woman. I'm trying to serve up lunch, and she comes and takes over, even though I'm telling her to sit down and relax for fucks sake omg!

Yes, we fought over the ladle. I smacked her with it and told her she was nuts, and then went and sat down.

B came home as usual at 6pm Sunday night, and I was quite surprised. Her dad had actually given her some money to buy me a little frog toy that croaks when you squeeze his tummy. (I managed to scare EvilMe with it a couple of times, was amusing until I got the look of death lol.. I don't think he thought it was as funny as I did..meh small things amuse small minds, and I never claimed to be einstein!)

I sent B's dad a message just now to thank him for letting B buy me the present. It was a nice gesture, even if I assume correctly and she badgered him until he coughed up the couple of bucks it cost to buy it. He didn't have to do it, yet he did.

Oh and she went shopping with my mum during the week and bought me PJ's - bright pink (bleurgh lol) with cats (double bleurgh) but omg they look comfy so i'll take my bleurghs back and just shutup and wear them.

So that was my weekend.

I need to wake up though.

And goddamn but I'm hungry!

Oh..and I lost 5 kgs. If you find them, I don't want them back. Give them to your skinny friends and tell them to pad their bras with it or something.

Man. I need my sigs back. This sucks. Remind me to go hunting for them.

Stress omg!

2007-05-09T16:44:00.000+10:00

The Psych just called me and I've booked my first appointment with her for next Thursday (the 17/05) at 3:30pm. Nothing is available earlier. Oh god the stress.

I think I might be sick that day :p

I'll go, but shit I'm not looking forward to it, I'm nervous and stressed.

And I'm SO shitty omg. I can't fkn read - I thought it said St Albans (which is where I live) on the card, but it says Seddon which isn't that far from here, but BAH I want to go local. I spose, I'm getting my psych consults for free, so I really shouldn't complain, and I'm going to this one on the way home from work, which really isn't so bad, but bah bah bah. I'm so lucky that B's in afterschool care, because if she wasn't, I'd be screwed coz I'd have no one to pick her up. Phew!

To add some more stress, I have to go have a D&M with my dad on Saturday - we've deduced that whilst I love my dad to the top of the world and back, he's partly the reason why I'm such a fucking fruitcake. So, I have to confront him without actually confronting him if that makes sense. My bro Luke has kind of paved the way by having a chat with Dad the other night, and made Dad aware of what's going on with me, so it shouldn't be so hard to talk to him, right?

Wrong.

I'm 30 years old and I'm still scared of my Dadda.

I think I should go grow some feathers and start talking bok bok.

Well, I'm nuts..

2007-05-07T15:58:00.000+10:00

It's time to get down to sirius bizness.

I went to the docs today to get my results (go back a couple of posts) and this is what I scored:

Depression: 18
Anxiety: 12
Stress: 18

So. What does this mean for me?

Basically it means that I have to have medication, I have to go and see a psychologist, and I have to get better.

My doctor thinks I'm weird, but not just coz of this:

Doc: You scored 18/12/18.. that's not good muppet
me: Yeah well, if I'm gonna go crazy, I might as well do it properly..
Doc: ..*silence*..
me: What?
Doc: I don't know if you're joking or not
me: *innocent smile*
Doc: You have a very strange sense of humor muppet.. have you been taking your medication?
me: Nope
Doc: What? WHY NOT? *nearly falls off chair*
me: coz i wanted to ask you more about the side effects and all that
Doc: oh.. that's okay then. But you're going to take it right?
me: I guess... If I have to
Doc: You have to
me: Well I will then
Doc: Well that's good
me: if you say so
Doc: don't do that..
me: do what?
Doc: that!
me: what?
Doc: THAT!
me: *big grin*
Doc: You're doing this on purpose aren't you?
me: No *innocent smile again*
Doc: You know you have to take the medication right?
me: yes I do
Doc: and you're going to.. right?
me: yes I am
Doc: and you're paying attention to everything I'm saying right?
me: yes, i am
Doc: You have a 2nd head
me: Yes i kno... what?
Doc: Just making sure
me: and you think I'm weird..

and it went on like that. It's not like I MEAN to do it. I just do it. I can't help it. He's starting to realize this I think. My doc is good coz he wants to understand me, even though he's figured out it's virtually impossible to do so.

I'm not difficult.

Really.

I'm in a good mood though, I know I'm getting help and the weight that's on my shoulders has been lifted a little, so I guess that's a start.

But now I have a new thing to freak out about. Going to see the headshrinkerer. Doc says she's great and highly recommends her.

If she can put up with me, then she's okay in my books.

I'm a raving lunatic, who woulda guessed?

2007-05-04T14:04:00.000+10:00

To determine whether I'm insane or not, the doctor has given me homework. It's one of those "circle the number to show us how crazy you are" forms. I'm gonna share my answers now, and then I'm gonna go back to the doc's on sunday and find out if i passed the crazy test.

Please read each statement and circle a number 0 1 2 or 3 which indicates how much the statement applied to you over the past week. There are no right or wrong answers. Do not spend too much time on any statement.

0 Did not apply to me at all - NEVER
1 Applied to me to some degree, or some of the time - SOMETIMES
2 Applied to me to a considerate degree, or a good part of time - OFTEN
3 Applied to me very much, or most of the time - ALMOST ALWAYS

Questions:

The Am I Going Crazy Test (not really what it's called)
I found it hard to wind down	2
I was aware of dryness of my mouth	2
I couldn't seem to experience any positive feeling at all	2
I experienced breathing difficulty (excessively rapid breathing, breathlessness etc)	1
I found it difficult to work up the initiative to do things	3
I tended to over-react to situations	3
I experienced trembling (eg: in the hands)	1
I felt that I was using a lot of nervous energy	1
I was worried about situations in which i might panic and make a fool of myself	2
I felt that I had nothing to look forward to	3
I found myself getting agitated	3
I found it difficult to relax	3
I felt down hearted and blue	3
I was intolerant of anything that kept me from getting on with what i was doing	3
I felt I was close to panic	3
I was unable to become enthusiastic about anything	2
I felt i wasn't worth much as a person	3
I felt that I was rather touchy	3
I was aware of the action of my heart in the absence of physical exertion (heart rate increase, missing a beat)	2
I felt scared without any good reason	1
I felt that life was meaningless	2

Flip the page, and you get the score page.. it scores your Depression, Anxiety and Stress levels.

	Depression	Anxiety	Stress
Normal	0 - 4	0 - 3	0 - 7
Mild	5 - 6	4 - 5	8 - 9
Moderate	7 - 10	6 - 7	10 - 12
Severe	11 - 13	8 - 9	13 - 16
Extremely Severe	14+	10+	17+

Then underneath that, you have the treatment that you should be receiving depending on your Depression Score

00 - 04	Normal	Supportive Counselling, no clinical Treatment
05 - 06	Mild	Clinical treatement - CBT indicated plus Consider Possible Pharmacology Treatment
07 - 10	Moderate	Clinical Treatment - CBT indicated plus Pharmacology Treatment
11 +	Severe/Extremely Severe	Clinical Treatment plus Pharmacology Treatment plus Referral Suggested

So, my armchair psychologists, what do you think?

Shall I start looking for my very own Designer Straight Jacket? I think a purple one would be nice. Remember, I haven't got my results yet because, well, I just filled out the form.

But yeah, it's looking not so great.

My doctor's put me on Efexor 75mg for now - he's declared that after many years of "managing" my depression, my body & mind are unable to cope with the stresses I put on them, and this (the medication) is just a temporary thing until we know exactly where I sit on the clinically insane list (the last bit was not what he said) before we find some treatment that is right for me.

So, in the meantime, I get to be crazy off the books. Come sunday, I'm crazy and ON the books.

It's been a while..

2007-04-28T10:34:00.000+10:00

EvilMe bought me a sterling silver ID bracelet for Valentines Day this year, sorta like the one pictured (only, without that name on it), and I've been saying, since then that "I'm going to get it engraved, relax!" He asked me what I was going to put on it and I said simply "Duck on front, Donkey on back". This made for a lot of lols in our house

Okay, I'm not sure if I've explained the whole Duck/Donkey thing, but I will again anyway, just in case.

(edit: I should add that this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I ask him what he wants to eat for dinner. It's not a one off thing, it's ALWAYS!)

So after drinking eleventy two billion cups of coffee at Starbucks with my friend Gin, we both wander into the shopping centre and I see the engraving place and decide that today's the day that I'm going to get my bracelet engraved.

This is what happened:

Me: "I'd like to have my bracelet engraved please.."
Him: "What do you want on the front?"
me: "Duck"
Him: "ahuh.. okay.. so what do you want on the back?"
me: "donkey"
Him: "um.. you sure bout this?"
me: "yes.. duck on front, donkey on back"
Gin: "she's a bit strange"
Him: "Yeah.. I'll say".
Me: "They're my boyfriend's favorite meals"
Him: "..."

What? I never claimed to be normal!

(and no, I've never cooked duck or donkey for him)

This is going to end up rather long winded..

2007-03-25T03:09:00.000+10:00

..but then again, most of my posts usually are.

Tonight was my future sister-in-law's hens night. A night where we're meant to go out, drink lots, have fun, and generally make idiots of ourselves. Right? Right.

You know how everyone (and, I do mean everyone) has a whole bunch of awesome friends... and then one dickhead friend who's guaranteed to fuck shit up? Well, tonight I got to meet the dickhead friend. Let's call her Renee, coz that's her name. Absolutely everything she did annoyed me. I'd like to think that I'm fairly easy going, and I can get along with anyone. But no. Not tonite. Good fucking lord, I swear, if we'd stayed out any longer, I would've been locked up for some sort of criminal act against her. Keep in mind, I've never ever met this person before, and there's the list of things she did that made me want to punch her square in the face. But then, she came up with this fucking gem in the cab on the way home:

"Is there a maccas near your place? I feel like maccas.." (we pointed out that we'd already been to maccas, and Bree (my sis in law) had food at her place, so she could eat there..) "no, really, I feel like maccas.. it's okay, I'll just drive there when we get home." Now, that statement, in itself, is a fairly innocent statement to make. But not when you've been out, drinking, and are entirely shitfaced. I told her, in no uncertain terms, exactly what I thought of her (I believe my exact words were "You drank more than the rest of us combined, are you fucking retarded? You're an adult, be responsible for fucks sake") She then followed it up with "Oh, it's okay, I'll go by myself that way I'm not endangering anyone else."

No. Really. No one else is on the fucking roads at 2am. You're going to be the only fucking driver IN THE WHOLE WORLD who's going to drive at this time of night on a saturday, not.

We could not, for the life of us, make her see that her reasoning of "i'll go by myself so if i crash no one will get hurt" was entirely fucked up.

So, to you Renee, when you write your fucking car off coz no one's around to give a fuck, and kill a family of 5 who are on their way home from church or something, don't come fucking crying to me that you didn't think anything would happen because you were being responsible by going by yourself. Because, more than likely, I'll stab you in the face with the fucking stiletto heel that you nearly pierced my foot with when you were dancing and looking like you'd just fucking thrown a toaster in your bath.

I'd just like to add that Bree has taken Renee's keys away from her (my insistance) and she's not to get them until late tomorrow afternoon when she's at least going to (hopefully) have most of the alcohol out of her system.

I hope this cunt gets the hangover from hell and her eyeballs fucking explode into her brain.

Well it's been 2 weeks..

2007-03-05T08:37:00.000+11:00

..and I haven't been fired yet!

The job is le awesome - training's been hard on my poor shoulder though (I'm not used to spending 7+ hours infront of a computer actually WORKING anymore!) but a good weekend rest has me feeling better. So far, all the exams and stuff that I've had to do, I've managed to pass - don't ask me how. I've even been doing.. wait for it.. dum da daaaaaaaaaaaaah homework *faint*

Only, I had a fairly shitty start to the morning this morning.

My toilet is blocked.

Yeah.

Like I said, shitty morning (haha ew gross)

I'm waiting for my landlord to come and repair my toilet - it seems that my little plastic friend (you know, the one that makes the toilet smell purdy?) has fallen in and been flushed down (oops) and now everything is blech.

I need to pee SO BAD omg!

I started work today!

2007-02-19T18:26:00.000+11:00

Today was my first day at work.

Here's how it went -

Get up - on time, no dramas. Have a smoke, have a shower, have another smoke, wake up a little bit, get B's uniform ready for the week (coz mum's taking her in the mornings) all done before 7am.

Wait for mum.

Wait for mum some more.

Mum was meant to be here at 7:10

Mum rocks up at 7:20

That's okay though, coz my train doesn't leave til 7:29

I get to the train station, I go to buy my ticket, there's 10 people ahead of me.

I miss my train because the eftpos numberpad on the ticket machine is fucked and I can't enter my PIN. Oh well, I sorted it out.

But, it's still all good, because I allowed myself a little extra time, just incase the train was cancelled or something retarded like that, coz hey, this is Melbourne, and that's how our PT system works.

Catch the next train, it's all happy - shit what station do I get off at? Oh that's right - Parliament.. hold it, no I think I was meant to get off at Flagstaff, oh shit, I just went past flagstaff. Oh well, I'll get off at Flinders Street and take a walk, coz I really do have a lot of time to kill anyway.

I get off at Flinders, I wander down to William Street, coz I know that's where my tram goes down. On the way, I pass 4 different stops that are on my route, but hey, I didn't know that did I? Oh well, I need the exercise.

So I catch the tram, I get to work, I'm early anyway, everything's good. I meet up with my new buddies, they're all really nice, we sit down and have a chat, about 10 minutes later they ask me if I signed in and got a pass.. Oops, nah I didn't.. better do that now.

I get my pass, and then we ask for James to come and collect us. We get informed that "you're actually not meant to be starting at 9, you're starting at 9:30"

Oh well, we go outside for a smoke.

I light up my cigarette.

The fire alarm goes off.

I swear, it wasn't my fault, it was a coincidence, and it had nothing to do with me.

The guy comes from upstairs to collect us, says "oh we can't go upstairs now, there's fire alarms going off, lets just wait down here and see what happens, we're not sure if it's a drill or not.." That's when the fire brigade arrives.

We walk down to the evacuation point, we stand there for 45 minutes, then we get let back in the building.

That was all in before 10am.

The training was absolutely awesome though - I learnt a whole lot about shit I had no clue about (I don't have a credit card, so why do I need to know this stuff? Oh that's right, because you might have a credit card and might want to call me one day!)

We watched a few videos, played a few games, fiddled with the PC's.

Just incase you smokers were wondering, we have a designated smoking area on level 6 that gives us smelly smokers a view of the city. It also has a covered BBQ area and a whole bunch of awesome stuff. Oh and, it has a lawn boules thingy. Yeah, I'm serious, I can play boules at work.

The tea room has a billiard table, ping pong table, LCD TV, foozeball table, all the coffee and tea and milo and biscuits you could want.

Yeah, I think I'm really gonna like this job.

OMG WOW

2007-02-14T22:12:00.000+11:00

So..

Yesterday I went for a preliminary interview to go and work at the ANZ doing some stuff that I'm not even sure wtf I'm doing (something to do with credit cards and making people pay their shit off or something)

Today I went for the 2nd interview.

This afternoon, I got offered 4 different jobs, none of which I wanted.

Then I got a call back.

I got the ANZ JOB.

Holy fuck I got the job.

This is like, the SUPER OPPORTUNITY of a lifetime, I'm so excited about it. None of this screwing me around shit like the other agencies have, this is legit and done properly. I'll be doing exactly what it is they said i'll be doing (which I promptly forgot what it is that I'll be doing)

But no, seriously, I got the job and I'M EXCITED *Big Kev moment, please stand back*

My day has been absolutely fucking fantastic. EvilMe's been here, and he bought me a shiny new bracelet for valentine's day. What sucks is i have large wrists, so the pretty bracelet he bought me didn't fit, and when we went to get it extended, they said it was going to cost $60 to do it. Fuck that shit. I was so sad that I had to exchange it, coz he chose it, and I really REALLY wasn't expecting it. He's so fucking awesome he makes me so happy it's unbelievable!

I'm going to go and annoy him now

*floats off on a cloud of happy*

I can't do anything without having dramas

2007-02-02T12:35:00.000+11:00

Seriously, all I did was drive to the shops, nothing can go wrong there, right? Right??!!

Bah, this is me we're talking about. Everything always goes wrong.

What should've just been a 5 minute trip up to the shops and back turned into a 1/2 an hour drama. I got there perfectly fine, got my smokes and headed home. I could've walked but hey, I'm lazy.

So anyway, I turn into my estate, and as I'm coming off the roundabout, a postie zips out infront of me and BOING bounces off my bonnet. You know how they say it happens in a blink of an eye? I don't even think I had a chance to blink. Hit the brakes, bouncey bounce, off goes mr postman.

Usually, I tear around that corner because my estate is quiet and generally (unless it's during school hours or something) there's never anyone on the roads. Well, when I say that, I'm doing at least 25km/h around the corner and I get up to 40 by the time I'm at the point where I hit the postie guy today (probably about 10-15 metres from the roundabout, I dunno). Today though, I turned into the estate at a nice, sedate 5km/h and for some reason kept travelling at that speed. Seriously, he is so fucking lucky that I did. I know that I stopped in time to not hit him, but he wasn't looking as he came out onto the road from the footpath and drove directly into my passenger side bumper bar. Boing! he goes off the bonnet and lands on his ass infront of my car.

I totally freaked out. I think I jumped out of the car before I even took off my seat belt, that's how fast I was out of it, and as I rounded the front of the car he was walking towards me and the first words out of his mouth were "Shit lady, I'm sorry.. are you all right?"

No, I'm not alright! I think I shit enough bricks in that 2 seconds to build me a nice spacious house. I said something like "Never mind me, are you okay?" which he answered that he was, and he picked up his bike. The builders across the road had seen the whole thing and came over to see if everything was okay too and one of them said to the postie "We yelled out to you to stop, but you didn't hear us!"

So thankfully, he's okay, so's his bike, and so's my car. I gave him my name and phone number just incase he needed it later to file a report with work or something, who knows.. and we both got the builder's names and numbers too as witnesses to the whole incident.

I also got his number, so I might ring him in a couple of days just to see how he's doing. I know, really, that it wasn't my fault that it happened, but I still feel awful for it.

At least, now, I think he might actually look both ways before crossing the road!

The Proofs in the background

2007-02-01T09:27:00.000+11:00

Have a look at the cabinet in the background - then have a look at B and see how much she's grown!

Prep:

Grade 2:

First Days

2007-01-31T09:20:00.000+11:00

First you want them to roll over, then sit, then to crawl, talk, walk and run. You want them to learn to drink from a bottle by themselves, then a cup, get out of nappies, not wet the bed. Then one day you realise, they've grown up, and the years are flying by. It's pretty scary how quickly our kids grow up. They're running rings around you, they talk a mile a minute about eleven different subjects at once. They're asking you questions that sometimes, even though you have the answers, you just can't answer them. You see this tiny little helpless, completely dependant baby grow into a not so helpless (but sometimes hopeless!) independant little person with their own personality. As each year progresses, their tastes change, their vocabulary grows, they have new and exciting ways of getting themselves into trouble or hurt. It's all part of being a kid, and learning about the environment that they're in. I know this. You know this. We all know this - and yet, even though we wanted them to grow up and do awesome stuff like say "mum" or take their first steps, now we just want to hug them close and keep them near us as much as possible.

Grade Prep B:

Grade 1 B:

and now, introducing
Grade 2 B:

We went into her new big classroom today, met her teacher Mrs Riley, and sorted out her enrollment (oops I was meant to do that last Wednesday, but we were in Violet Town!). Then whoosh! She was off - playing in the big playground, coz she's not a Junior anymore, so she's allowed to play in the big kid's area. But she's not a big kid! She's a little kid! She's my little kid! *deny deny deny* She's not growing up, she's going to be my sweet little, loving and wonderful 7 1/2 year old forever right? Right? No really, she is. Even when she's a teenager. Yup. *denial*

I think, maybe, I should let the apron strings go a bit, don't you?

Furry Happy Monsters and a Happy Little Muppet

2007-01-29T15:02:00.000+11:00

...

The past few weeks have been hectic, and yeah, that's what I always say - 90% of the time it's actually true though, the other 10% is artistic license.. well it IS my blog afterall.. and it just means that I've been lazy and haven't updated. This time round, I seriously have been busy.

Busy being happy.

Aww.

*hands you all a bucket*

B's been home, and EvilMe has been on annual leave for the past 2 weeks, and domestic life settled into it's own little crazy routine. Ever noticed that when EvilMe is here, I'm less likely to be online? Well, we overcame that (somewhat) by transporting his omfg awesomely crazy cool pc here, only, I kept getting sidetracked by him sitting next to me and would start doing something, only to forget wtf it was that I'd started. I guess that's why Jay gave me this:

Sums me up perfectly actually. What you don't realise is just now, while I was looking for that picture, I did a search for it because I couldn't find it on my harddrive, only to realise 15 minutes later that I was actually searching for it to go on my blog. Oops. I also had an icypole while I was looking, went to the toilet, emailed EvilMe, and told a stupid story on irc, all whilst completely forgetting that I was meant to be blogging. Anyhooz, back to my stories.

I went to meet EvilMe's dad and family last week. We went and stayed in a pretty little town called Violet Town, which is just under 2 hours drive from Melb, heading out to Shepparton. (If anyone didn't know this, it's where the band Killing Heidi are originally from). http://www.whereis.com.au says that the trip is 179.8kms from my place, and it should take 1hr 54mins to get there. I made it with 9 minutes to spare. Shut up Jay, I wasn't speeding!

I'm not sure if EvilMe noticed, but I was so fucking stressed out - would his dad like me? how bout the rest of his family? OMG drama llama right? The morning we were leaving, I felt like crap. Dunno why, because as soon as we got there, I was made to feel as if I'd been a part of the family forever. I did suffer the parental inquisition though - but that's normal. Within minutes of walking in, EvilMe's dad set himself to "Embarass my Eldest Child" mode and promptly showed me baby pics. Aww man, my boyfriend was one gorgeous little kid - which isn't surprising considering he's like omg so fucking hot now! I won't tell you what I saw, coz he'll probably read this and then strangle me, but lets just say he was really cute and I said "aww yay!" lots.

I'm not so good at sleeping at other people's houses, so the first night was really hard for me. I tossed and turned and eventually just gave up and went outside for a smoke. It's gorgeous there at night - you can actually see stars! I had the most romantic night out there, looking at the stars with EvilMe and trying to figure out their names. We're both pretty hopeless though, so there's now stars called Fred, Bob and AssButts. I can honestly say that standing out there, looking at the stars and hugging my boyfriend is one of the happiest moments of my life. It might only be a little thing, but I saw a side of EvilMe that I hadn't previously. I can't explain it, and even if I could, I don't think that I want to. It was good, leave it at that!

I got to drive a tractor.. well, really, I sat in a broken down tractor and made vroom vroom noises whilst EvilMe took pics.

Dude, they have a tractor. Do you know how much fun it was trying to not kill myself getting off that thing? Nevermind the fact that once EvilMe had taken the photo, he wandered off while I scratched my head and went "Well, fuck me, what do I do now?" I eventually got off with little fuss. The tractor is still there and in one piece. Thank thea heavens I didn't start it up, otherwise I'd have ended up in a ditch.

B loved it there too, and didn't want to go home. She said quite plainly that she couldn't live in the country "I'm allergic to bug bites, and there's too many bugs in the country" but she loved it anyway. I think it was a combination of the fact that she got to go swimming every day we were there, EvilMe's youngest sister taking her under her wing, and not having to clean her bedroom, were all deciding factors in the "I really like it here, let's stay longer!" Unfortunately, though, we couldn't, and headed home 2 days later. It was kind of sad too, I really enjoyed being with EvilMe's family, and who knows when we'll get up there to see them again, but hopefully it won't be too far away.

On the way home, we stopped off in Puckapunyal at the Tank Museum. Coz EvilMe likes Tanks. Yep, that's the only reason we went. Coz he likes tanks and wanted to look at them. We even got our very own special little pass to get into the base at Pucka. Security is tight. Not. They let me in.

I'll admit, I wanted to go too just because I'm a sticky beak and I guess I'll never see a real tank close up. Unfortunately (or actually, luckily) we weren't allowed to climb on the tanks (one of us.. probably me.. would've stacked head first off the side and killed themselves probably) so we don't have any "look at me I'm driving a tank" photos, but we do have a pic of B sitting inside a turret. I think it's a turret. It's that thing that they sit in and have machine guns and go ratatatatatatat blam at the enemy dudes. That's a turret right?

I also got to meet sahm (Deanna), my LiveJournal buddy. She was OMG so much fun. We sat down at a little cafe in Fitzroy street (after numerous fuckups on my part actually getting myself out of the house!), drank coffee/tea and talked shit for a few hours. Every single one of you know what an antisocial shithead I am, so it was nice to actually get out and meet someone I talk to eleventy billion times a day on the internet. OKay, maybe not that many times a day, but still, plenty! She's even more awesome than I imagined - don't get me wrong, I always thought she WAS awesome, just actually meeting her in person.. wow. She also gives the best hugs! Come back to melbourne soon Dee so I can get another hug! Oh and, remind me, I have to tell you a funny, but that's just for between me and you!

Whilst here it doesn't sound like much has been happening, it's been full on. I got a taste of what it's going to be like when EvilMe moves in with me at the end of his lease (this is definitely going to go ahead) and he got to suffer the trauma of living with me and B - who, I might add, was actually pretty well behaved!

And, to be honest, I can't wait. Living with someone, as a partner, wasn't something I was sure I'd be able to do again, but now, I know that I can. And I can't wait.

mrowr?

2007-01-21T02:32:00.000+11:00

2007-01-18T11:33:00.000+11:00

I can't stop singinggggggggggggggg I can't stop dancinggggggggggggg this song is so fucking awesome and I HATE UTZ UTZ so go figure.. Might have something to do with the omghotguyinthefluffyjacket yeah

The past few weeks have been hectic, but not. Go figure. B was at her nan's place for the first two weeks of the year, and now she's home and EvilMe is pretty much living here while he's on annual leave. I've been filling my days with looking for work and going to job interviews, and whilst all the agencies are like "OMFG YOU ARE SUPERTYPINGLADY! WE WANT YOU WE WANTYOUUUUUUUUUUU" they don't have work for me. I know I have a job coming up mid feb, but I NEED MONEY NOW not next month (well, I'll need it then too, but I need it right now also!)

Just for sahm coz she loves knowing how fast I type (this was from two days ago):

Numeric: 11004 ks/per hour
Alpha: 85wpm gross, 81wpm net (24584ks/per hour) (3 errors)
Alpha Numeric: 14580ks/ph

As you can see, I slow down lots whenever there's numbers. Yes, I get brag rights, but I'm also really proud of those numbers. Why? Because when I first started doing data entry 10 years ago (omfg! how many letters and numbers have I pushed in all of those years? I wonder hmmm..) I could only type a measly 24wpm.

I thank the internet for my OMG SUPER TYPING SPEEDS!

Oh and, considering I haven't used Excel or Word for anything other than pissfarting around at home, oh and the fact that I've never been taught how to use the programs either, I scored 80% on my "do you know how to use word?" test, and 66% on my "excel is a fucking bitch of a program, so lets test you on it" test.

I am teh awesomes but where the fuck are the job offers? Grr!

You know what's hilarious though? If they could see the way that I type online, and the shit that makes no sense coming out of my fingers and onto the keyboard and into your IM windows, they'd never give me a job. It seems like my brain forgets what punctuation, spelling and grammar are all about! The typos made are hilarious and sometimes you need a code to decipher exactly wtf I'm talking about.

Job hunting sucks asses

2007-01-10T16:33:00.000+11:00

So here I was, all ready to come home and have a giant rant, and I decided not to. I'm glad I did, otherwise I'd be owing apologies left right and centre!

I was called yesterday by a company who swore black and blue that they were happy to give me a position, my references checked out, and the only thing that they needed to do was meet me in person so they could "put a face to the name". Basically, I had this job in the bag.

So off I trot to my interview, all spiffed up in my corporate wear (bleurgh fuck I hate wearing slacks and shirts.. I got so used to wearing jeans and baggy jumpers at my last job.. anyway, back on track..) and I did well in the interview.

Too well infact.

After doing all the pre-requisite stuff (just to make sure that the 87wpm I claimed to be able to type is true) and finding out what my old positions were, and how much I got paid, the interviewer declared me "too skilled" and "too valuable" for this position.

Liek sirrius? wtf?

She wasn't willing to give me a position that wouldn't utilise my "talents" (hahah I never considered being able to type fast a talent, but apparently it is), which would also not pay me to my full potential. Keep in mind, this position is permanent, albeit part-time. Either way, I would've been paid about $16 an hour.

I was OMG pissed off. Okay, it's nice to be told that you're awesome, but SHIT FUCK AND BOTHER I just want a job!

So that's what I was gonna come home and rant about, but instead, I went to EvilMe's house, and after I dropped him off at work, I went to my cousin Sarah's (aww cute widdle newborn baby.. oh wait, he peed on me. I dunno how much I like him now lol) I'm glad I went though. I had a good laugh, and a bitch and moan, met my new baby cousin.. did I mention he peed on me? Yeah.. he peed on me. Ew. And I calmed down.

Then I got a phone call from the same agency I went to today. Offering me the same position, but at the temp rate (which is about $6 more an hour than permanent rate) starting tomorrow. For now, it's just a one off, come in and lets see how you go, type of assignment - but she's hopeful that they'll take me on at the temp rate as a more permanent member of staff.

Joy to the world, I got a job.. (go on, sing it, you know you want to).

Ever wondered..

2007-01-08T12:01:00.000+11:00

.. where B gets her good looks from?

Her dad.

We might not see eye to eye, I guess the fact that he's 6'3" and I'm 5'1" kind of adds to that, and he might drive me up the wall and frustrate me til I'm about ready to blow a fuse and fly to the moon just because he drives me absolutely batty, but he's a good dad - and she loves him.

She gets her shining personality and love of all things big and small from me though!

Christmas Lights!

2007-01-08T11:36:00.000+11:00

So I blew up my last blog with the christmas lights in it, and I honestly couldn't be bothered re-doing the whole lot again. So here's the pics, in slideshow format Christmas Lights starring B, Jay, a few plastic reindeers, Santa, and two rude Gnomes! Sorry it's taken so long getting here, but you know, shit happens, so here it is! The first two pics are of a house along the way to the treelightfarmplacething. The house, minus santa, reminds me of a licorice allsort, but you kind of can't tell from the pic.

Dear Santa..

2006-12-26T23:45:00.000+11:00

Funny Videos

More hugs :D

2006-12-22T09:06:00.000+11:00

I've been lazy, the christmas light update will be here soon!

Christmas light adventure, a bottle of pepsi, and ducks (Part 1)

2006-12-15T23:10:00.000+11:00

So we know that most adventures start of in the simplest of ways. Ours (B, Jay's and My own) started off with me trying to figure out how to use Jay's camera, and taking numerous pictures of a bottle of pepsi. Point, aim, click, is not on this camera's agenda I tell you. It was such a drama, but it was fun to work out. Eventually, the cam got figured out and we were off on our way to our Great Big Annual Christmas Light Adventure .

Our first port of call was the el-cheapo Bistro down at the footy club near my place. As always, the food was delicious, and we had a wonderful time stuffing ourselves. I mean seriously, who wouldn't? - The food is cheap, the food is nice, the food is filling. I had some veal thingy - I can't remember what it was called. I was sad because they didn't have the veal scallopini that I love so much, but hey, beggars can't be choosers, and it was still delicious. B and Jay opted for their Chicken Schnitzel with chips and gravy - seriously, they're not hard to please are they? By the end of it, we were all a little bit full and were about ready to let the top buttons loose, just for some relief. I figured that'd be a bad idea, considering my pants would probably fall down around my ankles, and dudes, serious, that's not what people want to be seeing while they're eating their meals. I know I wouldn't!
So, we wonder, what to do? What to DO??!! We decide we're going to tour the new estates (boring), see what's happening (not much), how much has changed from last year (lots). While we were driving, we came across a family of ducks crossing - this led to a great big discussion on the Ibis that live at the pond near my place. Yeah, there are Ibis, I know coz I've seen pictures in story books. Shut up. So we decide to go and find the Ibis - more than anything because I wanted to take pics of them to show EvilMe that they really ARE Ibis and not some sort of demented Stork (He thinks I'm insane. I think I've told you this before.) It was here, where the Ibis live, that we found three of the friendliest ducks in the world. We named them Donald (the white guy) Mac (The dark guy down the bottom) and Percy (the one off in the background - not that you can see, but Percy has a mohawk.) We were watching them swim around when they all started towards us. Funny how B and Jay ran and pretty much hid behind me when they saw them coming. You could tell these guys were tame though, they just walked right up looking for food and a hello. We had a lot of fun (god, is that sad?) with them. Donald is a true camwhore though. We got some hilarious pics of him, just well, being a duck I guess. I don't know what else ducks do! By this time, we were starting to turn blue - the wind had picked up, and even I was beginning to feel the cold! So, because it was still too light to go to the Christmas-Tree-Light-Farm, we went off on a jaunt thru the lovely streets (hahah sarcasm much?) of St Albans. We couldn't see many houses with lights up, so we just cruised. Which was when we saw THE CAR. holy crap this car was nice, the only problem was, while we were trying to chase this car down and take pics of it, we saw a Double Decker bus on the other side of the median strip, and we had dilemmas. Do we stop chasing the car on the back of the trailer in favor of the bus? or chase the car and then go back for the bus? We decided to take a quick pic of the car, chuck a U-turn at the next set of lights, and then go snap a pic of the double decker bus. Only, by the time we got back to the servo that we'd seen the bus at, it was gone. The hunt was on, we looked thru three other suburbs to find this bus. How the fuck do you lose a Double Decker bus? I have no idea, but we managed to. I said to Jay later in the evening (skipping ahead a bit here, but it's my blog, so who are you to argue?) that I'd love to see the Double Decker broken down on the side of the road, just so I can pull over, take a pic, and then drive off again. I know that's mean and horrible, but I just want a fucking picture of that bus!

The christmas lights and all that come in the next installment!

Ho Ho oh no

2006-12-13T16:45:00.000+11:00

So we decorated the tree, but before that, I decorated my B. Poor kid, no wonder she says I traumatize her!

I was gonna stick her in the corner, add some lights, and a few more christmas decorations, but she wouldn't be a part of it, so I had to decorate the tree..

See how my tree leans a little bit to the right? I've renamed it to the "Leaning Tower of Treeza".

Ho ho, ahh get lost, Bah Humbug

Free Hugs

2006-12-10T17:23:00.000+11:00

Okay so, I posted this not long ago (actually last week) on my LiveJournal, but I'm doing it again, just because I want to give everyone free hugs

And I got to thinking, I need a "Free Hug" picture to pass around to everyone - it's the time of year, where I think that people need the hugs anyway. So here's my free hugs:

Take it, copy it, send it to your friends, stick it on your blog, print it out and hang it on your wall, I don't mind! - give everyone a hug. It's not a huge hug, or a fancy hug, nor is it a particularly good looking hug, but it's free, and it's still a hug.

Go on, you know you want to!