Blah blah blah blah blah. That's all I've heard today. The medication is fucking me over and I'm wrecked - tired but not tired, awake but still asleep. I'm starting to wonder if I'm coming or going lately! I feel happier, I think, but I know that's just the medication, yet I feel numb at the same time. It's kind of weird - I've never actually ever felt like this. I've always gone from omghappy to omgwtfkillkillkill.. never anything inbetween, it's strange, and I don't think I like it.
This weekend was interesting. I'm still not sure how I feel about it all.
I went for a blood test on Saturday morning, fun fun omg yay! (can you all spell "sarcasm" kids?) It took the doc nearly 1/2 an hour to get blood out of me. He tried my inner elbows, he tried along my arms, he even checked inbetween my knuckles (hahah I nearly typed nipples *faint* I'm such a retard) and he couldn't find a single vein. Well, he knows they're there, unless I'm some sort of Robot-muppet without veins or something. He looked at me and said "I'm going to have to use 20 years of medical knowledge to get blood out of you aren't i?" and I just smiled and said "Go for it.. but if you turn me into a pincushion, you'll know about it".. eventually, he got blood from my inner wrist.
Fuck.
It didn't hurt a bit. This guy is GOOD i tell ya.
It hurts now (yes, two days later, it's still sore) because I rest my hand on the desk when I type don't I? So I keep knocking it and making owie ow faces. I get no sympathy. Boo hoo waaaaaa waaaaaa call a whaaaaambulance I'm a big sook.
I went to dad's after that to have "THE TALK" dum da daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..
He didn't want to listen.
He acknowledged that I have a problem, and tried really hard to listen, and I give him points for just trying. But it got me nowhere. I can't talk to dad because even just talking to him makes me feel like fuckup #1.. biggest failure in the world - shit I even failed at making him listen. See what I mean? He frustrates me. I love him to bits, I'd do anything for my Dad, but OMG DAD JUST LISTEN TO ME! He's happy to help me, he wants to understand, but he just can't get his head around the whole "my daughter has to see a psychologist and she's suffering from depression" thing.
But he tried.
That's the main thing, right?
I could see him struggling, he wanted so badly to tell me to just "snap out of it" but I think he's aware now that it's not something that I can turn on and off like a light switch. I wish it was though, just so he could be happy and not worry about me. They're going to malta in a few weeks (mum and dad) and the last thing I want is for them to go away worrying about my mental health. I think mum's a bit more relaxed knowing that I'm getting the help that I need. At least, I hope she is. She seems to be.
So that was my saturday. Stressing coz getting blood out of me is like getting blood out of a stone, and then stressing because getting dad to listen is like banging my head against a wall because I want to play the drums and make a beat.
Sunday was Mother's day, and as most of you know, B wasn't home with me.
She called me at 10:30am to wish me a happy Mother's day - I was so happy about that. I really miss her when she's not home, even though she drives me nuts when she is here. Her dad did the right thing and got her to ring his mum and mine too to wish them both a happy mother's day. It made their day.
We went to mum's for lunch - there was no bloodshed! yay! No arguments with Dad, no arguments with my brothers or mum. They're trying really hard - I can see that they are, it kind of makes me sad that they feel they have to tiptoe around me, but at least I get to breathe. I'm not worrying if I'm going to say something or do something that's going to upset them. The only drama we had was when I fought with mum over the soup ladle. Crazy old woman. I'm trying to serve up lunch, and she comes and takes over, even though I'm telling her to sit down and relax for fucks sake omg!
Yes, we fought over the ladle. I smacked her with it and told her she was nuts, and then went and sat down.
B came home as usual at 6pm Sunday night, and I was quite surprised. Her dad had actually given her some money to buy me a little frog toy that croaks when you squeeze his tummy. (I managed to scare EvilMe with it a couple of times, was amusing until I got the look of death lol.. I don't think he thought it was as funny as I did..meh small things amuse small minds, and I never claimed to be einstein!)
I sent B's dad a message just now to thank him for letting B buy me the present. It was a nice gesture, even if I assume correctly and she badgered him until he coughed up the couple of bucks it cost to buy it. He didn't have to do it, yet he did.
Oh and she went shopping with my mum during the week and bought me PJ's - bright pink (bleurgh lol) with cats (double bleurgh) but omg they look comfy so i'll take my bleurghs back and just shutup and wear them.
So that was my weekend.
I need to wake up though.
And goddamn but I'm hungry!
Oh..and I lost 5 kgs. If you find them, I don't want them back. Give them to your skinny friends and tell them to pad their bras with it or something.
Man. I need my sigs back. This sucks. Remind me to go hunting for them.
This weekend was interesting. I'm still not sure how I feel about it all.
I went for a blood test on Saturday morning, fun fun omg yay! (can you all spell "sarcasm" kids?) It took the doc nearly 1/2 an hour to get blood out of me. He tried my inner elbows, he tried along my arms, he even checked inbetween my knuckles (hahah I nearly typed nipples *faint* I'm such a retard) and he couldn't find a single vein. Well, he knows they're there, unless I'm some sort of Robot-muppet without veins or something. He looked at me and said "I'm going to have to use 20 years of medical knowledge to get blood out of you aren't i?" and I just smiled and said "Go for it.. but if you turn me into a pincushion, you'll know about it".. eventually, he got blood from my inner wrist.
Fuck.
It didn't hurt a bit. This guy is GOOD i tell ya.
It hurts now (yes, two days later, it's still sore) because I rest my hand on the desk when I type don't I? So I keep knocking it and making owie ow faces. I get no sympathy. Boo hoo waaaaaa waaaaaa call a whaaaaambulance I'm a big sook.
I went to dad's after that to have "THE TALK" dum da daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..
He didn't want to listen.
He acknowledged that I have a problem, and tried really hard to listen, and I give him points for just trying. But it got me nowhere. I can't talk to dad because even just talking to him makes me feel like fuckup #1.. biggest failure in the world - shit I even failed at making him listen. See what I mean? He frustrates me. I love him to bits, I'd do anything for my Dad, but OMG DAD JUST LISTEN TO ME! He's happy to help me, he wants to understand, but he just can't get his head around the whole "my daughter has to see a psychologist and she's suffering from depression" thing.
But he tried.
That's the main thing, right?
I could see him struggling, he wanted so badly to tell me to just "snap out of it" but I think he's aware now that it's not something that I can turn on and off like a light switch. I wish it was though, just so he could be happy and not worry about me. They're going to malta in a few weeks (mum and dad) and the last thing I want is for them to go away worrying about my mental health. I think mum's a bit more relaxed knowing that I'm getting the help that I need. At least, I hope she is. She seems to be.
So that was my saturday. Stressing coz getting blood out of me is like getting blood out of a stone, and then stressing because getting dad to listen is like banging my head against a wall because I want to play the drums and make a beat.
Sunday was Mother's day, and as most of you know, B wasn't home with me.
She called me at 10:30am to wish me a happy Mother's day - I was so happy about that. I really miss her when she's not home, even though she drives me nuts when she is here. Her dad did the right thing and got her to ring his mum and mine too to wish them both a happy mother's day. It made their day.
We went to mum's for lunch - there was no bloodshed! yay! No arguments with Dad, no arguments with my brothers or mum. They're trying really hard - I can see that they are, it kind of makes me sad that they feel they have to tiptoe around me, but at least I get to breathe. I'm not worrying if I'm going to say something or do something that's going to upset them. The only drama we had was when I fought with mum over the soup ladle. Crazy old woman. I'm trying to serve up lunch, and she comes and takes over, even though I'm telling her to sit down and relax for fucks sake omg!
Yes, we fought over the ladle. I smacked her with it and told her she was nuts, and then went and sat down.
B came home as usual at 6pm Sunday night, and I was quite surprised. Her dad had actually given her some money to buy me a little frog toy that croaks when you squeeze his tummy. (I managed to scare EvilMe with it a couple of times, was amusing until I got the look of death lol.. I don't think he thought it was as funny as I did..meh small things amuse small minds, and I never claimed to be einstein!)
I sent B's dad a message just now to thank him for letting B buy me the present. It was a nice gesture, even if I assume correctly and she badgered him until he coughed up the couple of bucks it cost to buy it. He didn't have to do it, yet he did.
Oh and she went shopping with my mum during the week and bought me PJ's - bright pink (bleurgh lol) with cats (double bleurgh) but omg they look comfy so i'll take my bleurghs back and just shutup and wear them.
So that was my weekend.
I need to wake up though.
And goddamn but I'm hungry!
Oh..and I lost 5 kgs. If you find them, I don't want them back. Give them to your skinny friends and tell them to pad their bras with it or something.
Man. I need my sigs back. This sucks. Remind me to go hunting for them.
Speedy Bubbles
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