Growing Up..

This is a story I shall tell when my darling daughter turns 21.

In the meantime, there's 13 years to wait til that happens, so you lot get to hear it now, and probably again in 13 years time too! (I'm writing this so I don't forget I want to tell this story when she grows up, you see..)

So.

As you know, I have a daughter. Her name is B. Not that that's what it says on her birth certificate, but suffice it to say, her name begins with B, I'm lazy, and I don't like putting her name up on the internet (much). For those of you that don't know B, here's B. Say hello B! (She's kind of quiet in photos.. you know how kids are) What do you mean she's pulling faces at you? My daughter's an angel. She wouldn't ever do that!

Anyway, my little girl seems to be growing up. As she stated this morning "Jeez mum, dontchu know kids grow up fast nowadays?"

Well hell child, of course I know this, but not my child. There is no "growing up fast" allowed in the same sentence that starts with "Gee, B's..."

Yesterday, I bought her an underwear set - just hear me out - keep in mind that she's 8 years old, and kids underwear is kind of boring, to say the least, and if you ask me, that's good. More underpants should be made with Astro Boy and Spiderman and My Little Pony and Barbie if you ask me.

She begged and pleaded and gave me the absolute shits until I caved in and bought this set for her.

1 pair of white cotton knickers with black piping at the top.
1 mini kids bra, complete with straps and fastenings at the back. Kind of like the one over there --->>

Yup. She has a bra. It's only a tiny little thing, but wtf? It has padding on it. I can just hear her father yelling at me as I type this and telling me what an idiot I am for buying it for her, but she wanted it, and my theory is that she'll realise how fucking awful they are to wear, how uncomfortable they can be, and she'll not want to wear a bra ever again (well, at least until she really does need one, coz she definitely doesn't need one now.)

It seems that chain of thought has backfired, because once she had the thing on (we had to do the "fasten back in front, turn correct way and flip the straps up" bra application.. think about it), and while mummy (that'd be me) was putting her "proper" bra on, little Ms was standing infront of the mirror in my bedroom admiring her new chest. "Ma, I think this bra has made my boobies grow.." is the first thing I hear her say. The next thing I hear is "Yep, they're definitely bigger, can you tell?"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I laughed and got told off for it. I told her that no, the bra didn't make her boobies grow, and the reason they look bigger is because she has padding in them, and maybe now's the time to take the bra off.

Nup, it wasn't happening. She wanted to wear that bra, and wear it she did! She stood infront of that mirror for a good 10 minutes admiring her new bra from every possible angle. I guess, I kind of know how she felt, because I was the same when I got my first bra - the only difference was I was 11 and I actually had boobs, and I wasn't at all impressed about getting this contraption and sticking it on my chest - just goes to show what a different child she is from what I was I guess.

So here's my 8 year old, sticking her chest out as far as it would go, which, to me, looked like a really good imitation of a pigeon doing a mating dance - shoulders back, head held high, chest stuck out.. all I needed was for her to start cooing and the image would've been completed. By this time, she's shooting me dirty looks and asking me what I think is so funny.. and if you think I replied with a straight face and went "nothing B don't worry.." you're absolutely right.

Who am I to tell her that she hasn't got boobs? She's 8. She knows she hasn't. She just wants to be a big girl that's all. So I let her.

We get out of the house, I drop her off at school, and where's the first place I go to tell this story to? My mum.

The hilarity. I actually thought mum was gonna cry when I told her that B was wearing a training bra! We had a good giggle at my imitation of B checking herself out in the mirror, she pretty much told me I'm awful, but I do this with no malice. I think it's gorgeous. I think it's hilarious. The two combined make for lol stories.

On my way to work a little while later, my darling mother sends me an sms:

Mum: Hey, I forgot, you think B would lend me her bra?

Now.. my mum is not of the big boobed variety. I dunno where mine came from, but obviously, wherever they're from, I took my mum's with me!.. so the obvious response?

Me: hahaha no. It's too big for you!