This looks like a job for the..

.. hahah nah no drama llama today.. much!

I'm using mum's sewing machine, and to be honest, I hadn't even looked at it until I took the cover off this morning to start sewing.

This thing.

Holy shit it's old.

But SO easy to use.

So, I unpack the sewing machine, plug the pedal into the back and then start swearing. It doesn't take me long to start swearing, have you ever noticed this? Anyway, why was I swearing? Well, I'll tell you. It's because the power cord was too short to plug into the wall. Grr. I have no extension cords do I? Grr! So, I sat down and had a smoke and a think and then I remembered I do have an extension cord! I trot off to the garage and bring it in. It's kind of really long. It's like.. Extension cord overkill. This is the cord I use for my lawnmower people.

See? It's HUGE! Oh hey, don't mind the mess. I haven't done any housework this week. My place is trashed. Oh well.

After 1/2 an hour of pulling knobs and twisting things, I kind of figured out what I'm doing (I'm a bit slow in the morning, shutup!) I was smart enough to grab a scrap piece of material and fiddle with knobs so I could figure out which stitches I needed (So far though, I've only used straight stitch! I'm not brave enough to experiment with zig zag! That's for later!)

I start off small, sewing my single rows of squares together without any mishaps. I get through three rows and then stop for a smoke (this sewing thing is hard work okay?) Start again, and finish all 7 rows. Woot! I am awesome I tells ya! Then it's time to start sewing the rows together. I decide I'm going to pin one row at a time and sew that way, just coz, well, it sounds like a good idea.

This is where I realise that my squares are more like rectangles and not everything lines up the way I thought it was going to. I start to stress, but thanks to the internet, and some really great friends, I calm down.

me:hey
me: does it matter if your patchwork doesnt line up when you're sewing the squares together?
me: coz.. none of my squares do
me: :retard:
elise: haha muppet
elise: freeform patchwork has just been invented

So, there's three rows all sewn together. The squares don't quite match, but hey, that's okay. I've invented a type of patchwork that's never been tried before! Freeform patchwork!

Also, when I asked about it on zgeek, I received a response from Kiki which sounded even more plausible:

umm asymmetry is far more interesting upon the eye...Hundertwasser the artist/architect built apartment blocks in low class areas and focused on a child's eye level...he said children need no straight lines it detracted from creativity...

Yeah, that sounds plausible. The buildings are also awesome. See? It's not broken nor does it look stupid, it's a new artform!

Okay, so I get over my hysterics (because, I was in hysterics when I realised that I had SQUARE RECTANGLES.. or is it rectangular squares? I dunno..) and go back to sewing.

Sewing is hard work. Unfortunately, I don't have a picture for the next thing I'm going to tell you, and I really wish that I did, because it's kind of lol.

I stop sewing, and figure it's time for another smoke (I smoke a lot, I know I should quit) and I reach up to scratch my head. Wtf? The blanket came with my arm. I investigate what's going on, thinking that maybe my sleeve is caught on some of the pins.

Lo and behold, I've managed to sew the forearm of my jumper into the seam of the blanket. This was my last row. Seven rows without major incident, that's pretty good.. for me!

Sigh. I can't do anything without a stupid thing happening. I had to strip off and unpick the row, and re sew it.

Be proud of me, I have managed to get thru all of today without having a nervous breakdown. I ALSO managed to finish (basically, not completely) the whole blanket. All 7 rows are sewn together, and I've even got the black borders around the edges. Yay! I just need to tidy up the back, trim the extras and I'm probably going to zigzag the edges again just to be on the safe side. The last thing I need is for this blanket to fall apart.

And here's the finished product! It covers the couch, and it covers me! And it's warm. So warm. So very very warm. I want one for myself. Seriously. Can I have one too please mum??!