It was Caz's Daughter's 13th birthday yesterday. What should've just been something simple, you know, go to party, eat food, talk shit, come home? Turned into huge ass drama - BUT not actually at the party!

While I was at my friend's house talking shit at her dining room table, EvilMe was having a spaz attack of worry coz I'd gone out, stayed out late, and didn't take my phone. Apparently, every single most horrible omg scenarios were going thru his head and he stressed out.

I completely and utterly lost track of the time, the first time I looked at the clock, it was 8:30pm, the next time I looked at it, it was 2am.

My first comment to Caz was "Holy shit, it's 2am, I'm surprised Mike hasn't called.." Then I looked at her, with what must've been a really strange look on my face and she asked what was wrong - "I left my phone at home. The battery was flat. Shit dude I gotta go home!"

30 seconds later, I'm walking out the door and her home phone rings. We all wonder who's calling at 2am. Turns out, it's my darling other half.

Caz answers the phone..

"I'm looking for Tanja..is she there?" Mike asks (or, well, that's what I guess he asked..) "Yeah she is, we've been talking shit all night, I'll just go get her for you!" Caz replies.

Then.

Because he loves me.

He says "no. Tell her to go fuck herself." and hangs up the phone.

The look of absolute complete and utter shock on Caz's face was undisputably (I think I just made up a new word) hilarity.

So I asked her what he said and she told me.

I went "aww, see! He loves me!" and didn't think anything of it.

B gets into the car, I drive home, B gets into bed and MIKE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.

Where I thought he was fucking around and being a smartass, he was completely and utterly in the absolute shits with me.

He wouldn't look at me, wouldn't talk to me.

So, I cracked it didn't I? I never go out, why's he in the shits?

It turns out that whilst he was having drama llama moments at home, he'd called my little brother (at 1am) and woken him and his pregnant wife up. In turn, they'd called my dad and woken my mum up. Then, while that was happening, it seems that he called THE FUCKING POLICE.

Holy shit.

Y'know, it's nice to be loved, and it's awesome that he worries, but WTF? THE POLICE?

Actually, that's the least of my problems, but I'll get to that in a sec.

So we have a mini dispute (we don't argue, see?) and my first smartass remark, after he said "You didn't tell me you were going to be out THIS late.." was "well SHIT. I'm sorry. I didn't know that I had a curfew!" and I totally and utterly cracked the shits. Here's me, gearing up for a "yeah well fuck you too" type of argument and he shuts me right up with "don't start that, I was worried, I called your brother.."

man.

Just.. omg. You don't call my brother! He cracks it if you even SNEEZE and wake him up.

Basically, this is the chain of events that happened (I'm getting tired, I have to get up in the morning for work.. I'm lazyblogging from here)

- I have fun at the party and lose track of the time.
- Mike freaks out coz he hasn't heard from me.
- Mike calls my brother's place, they wake up, Brother dear cracks shits, Sis In Law has a fit of pregnant hormones attack.
- Brother calls Father, father freaks out, wakes up mother.
- Mother cracks shits, coz mother has to get up at 4am for work. Mother tells Father to tell Brother that I'm at Caz's house.
- Brother says "What type of kids party goes til 2am?", cracks shits and calls Mike back.
- Meanwhile, Mike is calling Police to find out if there were any calls regarding car accidents in and around the western suburbs. Police must've said no.
- Brother calls Mike, tells Mike I'm at Caz's, Mike looks for Caz's phone number.
- Mike rings Caz, Mike tells her to tell me to go fuck myself, Mike hangs up phone.
- I go home, I crack shits, I go sit in loungeroom in the dark, coz that's what I do when I'm shitty.
- Dad rings my house, Mike misses phone, Dad worries.
- Dad rings Brother's house. Dad wakes up Brother. Brother cracks shits at Dad. Dad cracks shits at Brother. Both crack shits at me.
- Brother rings here, finds out I'm home safe, cracks shits some more, hangs up and goes to bed.

So now, Mike's gotten over being in the shits with me coz he's realised that I didn't do all of this on purpose and it seriously was an innocent mistake on my part.

I ring Brother this morning. Brother lectures me about what a fucking hopeless mother I am because I was out til 2am galavanting around the city. His wife's been woken up, she's pregnant, how can I be so inconsiderate yadda dadda doo.

I crack shits some more. I was only ringing to apologise for him being woken up and to let him know that I'm okay. I eventually hang up.

I ring Father. Father lectures me about being more responsible. Father tells me that I should be more considerate. Father tells me off coz Mother got woken up. I tell Father to go jump on his head, I hang up.

So now, that's Brother and Father in the shits with me, as well as eachother. Sister In Law, I haven't spoken to, but she's in the shits with me too, which is pretty much what Brother said in no uncertain terms.

Then Mother rings me up. The first thing I say to her is "If you're going to fucking yell at me, you can just hang up right now!"

Instead, Mother laughs her ass off at me. "Seriously Tanja, if anyone's gonna screw everyone up in the space of half an hour, it'd have to be you. I dunno how you manage it, but you go out once every six months, and guaranteed, some sort of super drama will follow you around."

I told her she was a bitch for taking so much pleasure out of this and her response was "Well, at least they'll stop whingeing at me for once".

She then called me a smartass coz I told her to shut up and then mooed down the phone at her. Oh come on, don't tell me YOU wouldn't do it too.

Oh and, you know what Mike asked me this morning? "Are they shitty with me for waking them up?"

When I told him that no, they're not shitty at him, they're shitty at me, he said "Good!" and walked off happy as Larry.

Hold it. This all happened because HE FORGOT WHERE I WENT. I told him six times yesterday where I was going. SIX TIMES. But in one ear and out the other. And now, coz he forgot, I'm the one that's in trouble.

Where's the fucking justice in this world? Argh!

I have plans to go out next Friday.

I think, maybe, I should stay home instead.